Giuliani Arrives in Ukraine to Look for More Votes
By Andy Borowitz
KYIV (The Borowitz Report)—Now the mastermind of Donald J. Trump’s post-election strategy, Rudolph Giuliani, has travelled to Ukraine in search of more votes for his client.
Speaking to reporters at the Kyiv airport, a highly animated Giuliani said that he expected to return to the United States with “bags full of votes” for Trump.
“Joe Biden is leading Trump by about sixty thousand votes in Pennsylvania,” the former mayor of New York said. “The population of Ukraine is forty-three million! You think I can’t find sixty thousand votes in this country? Get out of here! Get out of here!”
Giuliani added that he was confident that his quest for votes would be a success because “every time I go to Ukraine, I come away smellin’ like a rose!”
Concluding his remarks, he said that he would later announce the results of his mission at Kyiv Hilton Total Landscaping.
Prior to writing novels, the author enjoyed a multifaceted career: from decorated combat aviator to advertising professional to global communications director of a major consumer brand. He has traveled the world and met sports, film and television stars, political leaders, and royalty. He graduated from Middlebury College, is married, lives in Germany, and has two grown children.