Finally, an article about a subject that has always disturbed me:
I doubt that any of the fine people that waste their precious time on this worthless blog fall into this category of worthless humans, but all must know one or more. Sadly, more and more shameless people are making it into positions that make them newsworthy.
Jerks are harder and harder to avoid.
Elephants Unmoved by Trump’s Backtracking on Trophy Ban: “We Don’t Forget”
By Andy Borowitz
HARARE, Zimbabwe (The Borowitz Report)—Unimpressed by President Donald Trump’s sudden backtracking on his proposed elephant-trophy ban, elephants from Zimbabwe and Zambia released a scathing official statement on Saturday, ominously warning Trump, “We don’t forget.”
The blistering statement from the elephants reflected the pachyderms’ contempt not just for Trump but for his two sons, Eric and Donald, Jr., who are widely despised by the elephant community.
“The decision to lift the trophy ban reeks of political expediency as it worst,” the elephants’ statement read.
The elephants also sent a strongly worded legal letter to the Republican National Committee, demanding that the G.O.P. immediately cease and desist using the elephants’ likenesses in Republican fund-raising appeals and all other materials.
I have written about the worthlessness and hypocrisy of military medals, but did not expect them to become absurd. But, a headline confirmed just how meaningless a bit of colored thread can become.
Special forces dog wins 'animal Victoria Cross' for Taliban raid heroics
Nothing against the animal or any human that receives a medal, just the system that uses such ploys for their own means.
Trump Voters Celebrate Massive Tax Cut for Everyone But Them
By Andy Borowitz
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Jubilant Trump voters on Thursday celebrated the prospect of a gigantic tax cut that will benefit everyone but them.
Across the country, Trump supporters were overjoyed that, after months of gridlock and wrangling, the man they voted for was about to make Americans other than them wildly richer.
“President Trump has taken a lot of hits from the fake-news media, but he stood his ground,” Carol Foyler, a Trump voter in Ohio, said. “Today he honored his pledge to the American people, except for me and anybody I know.”
Harland Dorrinson, a Trump supporter from Kentucky, agreed. “When I cast my vote last November, I said to myself, ‘I sure hope this means that people with a thousand times more money than I have get even more money,’ ” he said. “Promise kept.”
Tracy Klugian, a Trump voter from Minnesota, said that tax cuts for everyone but him are an important step toward making America great again. “Look at the stock market—it’s been going through the roof,” Klugian, who has no money in the stock market, said.
But some Trump supporters, like Calvin Denoit, of Texas, were more muted. “Tax cuts that completely exclude me and my family are a good start,” he said. “But, until President Trump eliminates all environmental and safety regulations for corporations that I have zero stake in, I won’t be satisfied.”
A photo in an English newspaper sparked a thought about national obsessions. Or, more like stereotypical national obsessions. The British love of uniforms (which explains why the dolt who longs to be king so often sports one). French love of food. Italians love of themselves. Germans love of beer. Americans love of guns.
And so on…
Trump Warns That Dumping Roy Moore Could Start a Dangerous Trend of Believing Women
By Andy Borowitz
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Breaking his silence on Alabama’s embattled Republican nominee for the U.S. Senate, Donald Trump warned on Wednesday that dumping Roy Moore could start a “dangerous trend” of believing women.
“I think we need to be very, very careful here,” Trump told reporters. “This is not just about Roy Moore. This is about our country deciding that we are going to start believing women, something that we have never done before.
“This is a very dangerous road we’re heading down,” he said.
Trump cautioned that, if instituted, a new practice of believing women would “totally destroy” the system that the country already has in place. “For years we’ve had a system of believing men,” he said. “It’s worked very well. It’s done a great job.”
He said that he was considering a number of measures to stem the tide of women’s credibility, including an executive order banning women from giving believable accounts to the press. “That’s something we’re looking into,” he indicated.
Trump painted a doomsday scenario of what might happen if the “very bad trend” of believing women gained traction in the country. “If people believe Roy Moore’s five accusers, what happens to a man who has, say, about twenty accusers?” he asked. “I don’t like where this is going.”
I have learned that to be with those I like is enough.
Prior to writing novels, the author enjoyed a multifaceted career: from decorated combat aviator to advertising professional to global communications director of a major consumer brand. He has traveled the world and met sports, film and television stars, political leaders, and royalty. He graduated from Middlebury College, is married, lives in Germany, and has two grown children.