In War of Elton John Lyrics, Kim Jong Un Calls Trump “Honky Cat”
By Andy Borowitz
PYONGYANG (The Borowitz Report)—In what some security experts fear could be a high-stakes war of Elton John lyrics, minutes after Donald Trump called Kim Jong Un “Rocket Man,” the North Korean dictator responded by calling Trump “Honky Cat.”
As he issued the Elton John-based attack, Kim warned that he had an extensive collection of the singer-songwriter’s albums and was prepared to weaponize every lyric in them.
The White House immediately struck back, warning Kim that “any further provocation involving an Elton John lyric, especially ‘Tiny Dancer,’ will be seen as an act of war.”
But any hope that Kim would be silenced was short-lived.
Responding to the White House, Kim stated, “I see the bitch is back,” before signing off, “Goodbye, Yellow-Wigged Toad.”
If one even so much as glances at news media, one cannot avoid someone ranting about the British decision to leave the European Union. In my opinion—which means absolutely nothing—this was a dumb decision, not unlike US voters voting against their own best interest…or any interest, for that matter.
Today, I read an interesting piece about how Italy, a fellow member of the European Union, feel about this stupid decision. I have lifted to quotes:
“To be alone in 1940 among the enemy was heroic; to be alone in 2017 among friends is absurd.”
How Brexit is mostly viewed in Italy: an internal British dispute gone awry, which, tediously, everyone now has to deal with.
Couldn’t agree more…
“New York isn’t a city for nostalgia, It’s not a city, like Paris or Rome, that rests on a glorified past. It’s a city that has no pity. It doesn’t stop for anyone or anything. It just keeps evolving.” (Uttered during a Guardian interview by the woman that made Desperately Seeking Susan featuring a young Madonna.)
This might explain why—which I have been unable to articulate—I do not like New York, but do like European cities. When returning, even after a few years, I like to find many of the same things, some which might not have change for years, decades, or even centuries. I want familiar, not new. I find new in place I have never visited, not in a place I know that has changed.
I am rarely surprised when I learn something new; I am surprised when I learn something I should have know.
I watched a fascinating program on BBC called Letters From Baghdad, which told the story of an Englishwoman, Gertrude Bell.
She traveled, lived, and worked in the Middle East in the early 1900s, becoming a leading British expert—male or female—on the region and was deeply involved in the creation of Iraq and other British interest in the area. She started the museum in Bagdad in 1920, which was infamously ransacked during the US invasion in 2002. Her letters suggest a better understanding of the people and the geography that most, if not all, men of any non-Arab nation.
One interesting side note in this program was reports on battles between the British and US—in the form of Standard Oil—to control the oil assets after the fall of the Ottoman Empire. One American complained that the Brits were fooling around in the Middle East, while they were fighting their war for them in Europe. So much for "allies" and a "special relationship" when it comes to oil.
Mueller Rents Giant Warehouse to Store Evidence Against Trump
By Andy Borowitz
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Robert Mueller is renting a massive warehouse facility in suburban Virginia to accommodate the approximately forty cubic tons of evidence against Donald Trump that the independent counsel’s investigation is generating on a daily basis.
Employing over two thousand workers in a warehouse the size of seven football fields, the Mueller investigation has become the fastest-growing sector of the U.S. economy, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics.
Working twelve-hour shifts, the members of Mueller’s evidence-storage team rarely leave the warehouse, where the punishing task of filing mountains of evidence against Trump proceeds around the clock.
“It’s like a city all its own,” one warehouse worker said. “There are people working in the Michael Flynn section who’ve never met the people working in the Paul Manafort section.”
While the warehouse workers are well paid, there have been issues with burnout. “The team in charge of filing all of Donald Trump, Jr.,’s different explanations of his meeting with the Russians had to take time off,” one worker said.
As gargantuan as the storage space appears to be, an aide to Mueller said that the investigation would soon be seeking a second, even larger warehouse. “We need a place to put all the Jared stuff,” the aide said.
Some might say that “grapes are grapes”. Not true. My favourite ones come from Turkey. Although I can find grapes from Greece and Italy, I always buy the ones from Turkey (despite stupid government). They are smaller and have, to my mind, better flavor. I am not a botanist, but am sure that they are a different variety. I do not know why different country offer different varieties, In the era of consumerism, I would think that growers would choose the variety that sells the best. Not so, because year after year, Italy, Greece, and Turkey offer the same varieties.
I have a good book to recommend to anyone wanting to understand how the United States ended up in the mess it which it currently simmers. The name is White Trash: The 400-year Untold History of Class in America by Nancy Isenberg.
Basically, it started with the English exporting their undesirables to the colonies. Slavery came later and added to the problem. The book is very well-researched and well-written, for anyone with an inquiring mind and willing to suspend prejudices. It is over 300 pages, so I will not provide a summary. But, I will leave you with two sentence:
When you turn an election into a three-ring circus, there’s always a chance that the dancing bear will win.
Poor whites are still taught to hate—but not to hate those who are keeping them in line. Lyndon Johnson knew this when he quipped, “If you can convince the lowest white man he’s better than the best colored man, he won’t notice you’re picking his pocket. Hell, give him somebody to look down on, and he’ll empty his pockets for you.”
I spotted the following headline on Google News.
Biblical prophecy claims the world will end on Sept. 23, Christian numerologists claim
I wonder what I must do before the world comes to an end. I have only five days to get everything done. I suppose that I should make a list and set priorities, so I can accomplished the most-important tasks first…even if it won’t make any difference. Of course, time management will be essential, and I cannot foresee all the obstacles, especially since a few other people will also be scrambling around to get things done.
On second thought, if the world does not end and I have done a bunch of irreversible things, life might be more difficult after September 23.
Such a quandary: should I believe these fruitcakes or not?
I have discovered the political equivalent of locking the barn door after the horse has left town: raising the “threat level” after an alleged terror attack. This is an attempt by political leaders to make everyone afraid, instead of admitting having no idea what might happen next. In fact, this allows politicians to say “I told you so”, if something does occur.
That said, although highly educated, I am not sure of the difference between a crime and a terror attack. People die and/or are injured in both. It seems that crimes are less serious in the eyes of governments, or terror labels let them ignore civil rights of all those innocent of anything. Just look how grandmothers and children are treated at airports.