I read or heard a line about someone buying a cat, which made me imagine that person telling his friends. I thought about using this in a novel, but have yet to write anything in which such a dialog would fit. I do this all the time: think of dialog and then try to fit it into some story. Some I use, some I throw away, and some I keep. Therefore, I decided to spring one bit of loose dialog on unsuspecting blog readers. That’s another good thing about a blog...
Four friends sit at a restaurant table, waiting for their orders to arrive.
“I bought a cat,” Andre said, his face lighting up.
Two faces turned his way; the third remained focused on a mug of beer.
“You bought a cat?” Jane said, not hiding her surprise.
“No one buys a cat,” Ralph blurted.
“I did,” Andre said, surprised by his friend’s responses.
“Why?” Jane wondered.
“I wanted a pet.”
“No one pays money for a cat,” Ralph stated. “People give the damn things away.”
“Why’d you pay for one?” Jane asked, trying to sound sympathetic.
“People drown cats to get rid of ‘em,” Ralph added, clearly upset by such foolishness.
“I want companionship,” Andre explained. “It has all the shots and papers.”
“Why not a nice dog?” Jane wondered. “I like dogs.”
“No one buys a cat,” Ralph said, shaking his head.
“A dog’s too much work,” Andre said. “The cleaning lady can take care of a cat—”
“I couldn’t have any pet,” Roger mumbled, not looking up from his beer mug. “Can’t stand the smell of the friggin’ food.”
Now, perhaps, you can see why it fits nowhere other than a blog.
Duh! No way! If one disregards parasites and microbes living inside humans, then the winner is...dogs.
No other life form, big enough to walk around anyway, lets another life form take care of its every need. Humans provide dogs with food, shelter, recreation, and Christmas presents. (We won't mention tooth decay and excessive weight. Like humans, dogs must take the bad with the good!).
Okay, a few earn their keep, like sheep dogs and border collies, but the rest just eat, sleep, bark, crap, wag his or her tail, bark, sleep, eat, bark, lie around with sad eyes (perhaps aware of living in a golden cage), eat, bark, require walking in the rain, stink up the house (hey, it was just out in the rain!), bark (science has proven that dogs bark for no reason...sorta like women and gossip), sleep, eat, require walking in sub-zero temperatures, bark, shake off the rain inside the house, sleep, eat, be unemotional about and ungrateful for Christmas presents...
There could be a downside: if people manage to extinguish human life on this planet, dogs are screwed. They will be incapable of evolving back to wolf-hood and be unable to survive on their own (like teenage children and recently divorced men). They will, nevertheless, still be able to bark...