I believe that I have pointed out in the past how nature always wins. Well, I discovered another example in today’s headlines. The Large Hadron Collider, the most sophisticated piece of human engineering, has been forced to shut down. There was not technical glitch, as often happens with space flight. No, a small furry animal decided to lunch on a cable.
This is not uncommon in Germany, where weasels are known to chew through cables in automobiles in garages, but the one is Switzerland had a taste for something more sophisticated. A particle collider must certainly be preferable to a Volkswagen…
Cruz Hopes to Tap Into Immense Popularity of Carly Fiorina
BY ANDY BOROWITZ
INDIANAPOLIS (The Borowitz Report)—In choosing the former Hewlett-Packard C.E.O. Carly Fiorina as his running mate, Senator Ted Cruz hopes to tap into the immense popularity of one of the most beloved public figures in America.
Minutes after the news of Cruz’s selection leaked, political insiders called the choice of the wildly adored Fiorina a game-changer for the Cruz campaign.
“It’s no secret that Ted Cruz has some trouble with likeability,” the Republican strategist Harland Dorrinson said. “What better way to fix that than by choosing Carly Fiorina, a person everyone is absolutely crazy about?”
Fiorina’s reputation for winning the hearts of everyone she comes in contact with dates back to her days as the incredibly well-liked C.E.O. of Hewlett-Packard and, before that, Lucent Technologies.
“At Lucent, she could light up any room with her smile,” former Lucent employee Tracy Klugian said. “If you had to say what people loved about working at Lucent Technologies, it all came down to two words: Carly Fiorina.”
“Carly was more than our boss: she was our hero,” Kent Bantwell, a former Hewlett-Packard employee, said. “There wasn’t a person in the company who wasn’t touched in some way by her kindness and humanity.”
Dorrinson, the Republican strategist, said Cruz’s campaign will see a huge boost from what is widely known in political circles as “the Fiorina magic.”
“Picking Fiorina was a masterstroke,” he said. “Now all Ted has to do is sit back and watch Carly do what she does best: make people fall in love her.”
We decided to buy a new dishwasher, because the cost was not much higher that the cost to repair the old one. The problem seemed to have been inside the electronic black box, which meant that no one knew what the problem was. We could have spend money on repairs and not been much better off. When in doubt, escape by charging forward.
Anyway, this got me thinking about washing machines. I convinced myself that many people must be dying to know that German washing machines heat the water, as opposed to using hot water from the tap. This allows a housewife—or whoever uses the bloody thing—to was at much higher temperatures. This brings us—by a long way about—to the word of the day: Kochwäsche. Koch means “to cook”, and wäsche means “clothes to be washed”. Because the washing machine heats water to 90 degrees Celius, the clothes are literally being cooked at almost boiling temperatures. For all those worried about colors fading, this process is usually used for sheets and towels.
Now, you can understand why Germans are thought to be so clean…which is a myth, like so many others.
The pompous clown with the funny hair gave a speech that someone wrote for him. Where do I begin…
I won’t, because I did not hear the blowhard, only reports. I am sure that many around the world were offended and are fearful. I am sure that many in the United States are awestruck—both positively and negatively. The ignorant masses that fed on polemic are surely happy. Rarely, if ever, in human history has there been a greater example of the deaf, dumb, and blind leading the deaf, dumb, and blind.
I believe that I have a better grasp of history, geopolitics, and foreign policy than the self-annointed “presumptive” presidential candidate. And, that’s what is truly frightening…
I am reading the latest John le Carre novel, which deals with treachery by and greed of government official. In one scene, a young civil servant aspiring for career advancement is rejected by an evil man in cahoots with his boss. He is not allowed into the hallowed halls of secrecy and deceit.
Most people fear, suffer from, or hope to avoid rejection. I have learned from experience that rejection can be good thing. Many years ago, I was forced to interview for the job of general’s aide. When a general needs an aide, all units are tasked to send qualified officers to be interviewed. I presented myself for inspection and left, informed at a later date that I had not passed the muster. Rumour had it that not be married was the disqualifying trait, because the general’s wife wanted a slave. Anyway, I do not recall being bother, because I am not the servile type.
Later in life, I learned to appreciate the rejection even more. I spotted media reports about that general being involved in the Iran Contra affair and being “retired”. I would have probably been dragged into his nefarious dealings, just like the character in the novel. One disagrees with a general at one’s own hazard.
.Koch Brothers Consider Purchasing First Democrat
BY ANDY BOROWITZ
WICHITA (The Borowitz Report)—Charles and David Koch, the billionaire industrialists who have spent decades acquiring a world-class collection of Republicans, revealed over the weekend that they are considering purchasing their first Democrat.
“We’ve always bought Republicans, and our father bought Republicans before us,” Charles, the elder Koch, said. “They’re bred to be obedient, and they respond to simple commands.”
He said that he and his brother had considered acquiring a Democrat only after determining that none of the Republicans on offer this year was worth adding to their collection.
“It’s kind of a scary proposition for us, because we’ve never owned a Democrat before,” he said. “We don’t really know what we should be looking for.”
Koch said that he and his brother learned, after making some phone calls, that other oligarchs have bought Democrats in the past, and “had good experiences with them.”
“That was very reassuring,” he said.
But he bemoaned the absence of online consumer reviews that could help people who are, like him and his brother, interested in purchasing a Democrat for the very first time. “Yelp needs to jump on this,” he said.
While acknowledging the risk inherent in owning their first Democrat, Koch said that it would probably turn out to be a better investment than some of the Republicans they have recently purchased. “It can’t be worse than Scott Walker,” he said.
It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.
German voters are more critical that US citizens. They tend to look at the details of trade agreements and ask questions. For example, they want to know why it’s good for them. Why should they permit the US to dump genetical modified food into their country? Or, why should labor laws be changed to permit foreign corporations to make unseemly profits at the expense of workers? These are question US citizens never asked, which led to jobs being moved overseas and health being affected by questionable foods. I tend to agree with Germans demonstrating against TTIP.
I keep noticing headlines about laws restricting bathroom use is some states. I do not understand the issue (and do not plan to investigate). Of course, this seem to be happening only in southern states. These states have a long history of idiotic and hateful segregation. Not too many years ago, there were “whites only” toilets and park benches. Things have not progressed so far that benches are again being segregated, but that might follow. I wonder what drives these people: fear, stupidity, ignorance? Stupidity is easier to understand than fear. What can anyone with more than half a brain fear in a toilet?
The current battle raging in “Great” Britain about remaining within or leaving the European Union can be very entertaining. Even politicians in the same party are taking opposite sides, which will make the next general election interesting.
Recently, a leading Conservative politician—who hates being told what to do by “outsiders”, has not learned that the Empire has crumbled, and has an over-inflated opinion of himself—claimed that the United States would never accept such a union and would understand UK leaving. This same man was extremely upset, when the President expressed exactly how the US Government would react. The politician claimed that Mr. Obama was meddling in UK affairs, perhaps because it contradicted his assumptions. This guy must not have studied history. If he had, he might have noticed that the “special relationship” meant that the US was willing to lend--not give—what was needed to fight the Germans during World War 2. The US understood that a united Europe might prevent the need to send troops—a third time—to end periodic squabbles among neighbors.
Prior to writing novels, the author enjoyed a multifaceted career: from decorated combat aviator to advertising professional to global communications director of a major consumer brand. He has traveled the world and met sports, film and television stars, political leaders, and royalty. He graduated from Middlebury College, is married, lives in Germany, and has two grown children.