“Pocahontas” Not a Racial Slur, Says Prominent White Expert
By Andy Borowitz
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump’s use of the name “Pocahontas” at a White House event honoring Navajo veterans was not a racial slur, a prominent white expert said on Monday.
“If some Native Americans were offended by the use of this term, I’m sorry that they’re so wrong,” the expert said. “As a white person, I think I’m in a better position to know about this stuff.”
She also defended the decision to honor the Navajo veterans near a portrait of Andrew Jackson, who is widely reviled by Native Americans. “Before we held the ceremony, we consulted with a number of other white experts, and we all agreed that Andrew Jackson was great,” she said.
At times, the white expert seemed exasperated at having to explain to Native Americans what was a racial slur and what was not. “Look, I can explain it to them, but it’s real time-consuming, and I have a lot of other stuff to do,” she said.
In closing, the Caucasian said that accusing Trump of intentionally offending the Navajos was absurd. “No one knows more about offending people than Donald Trump,” she said.
Trump Claims Voice on “Access Hollywood” Tape Is Actually Hillary Clinton Imitating Him
By Andy Borowitz
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Casting further doubt on the authenticity of his notorious “Access Hollywood” tape, Donald J. Trump said on Monday that the voice on the tape was actually that of Hillary Clinton, imitating him.
“That’s not me on the tape,” he said. “That’s Hillary faking like she is me.”
Trump said that he had a theory to explain how Clinton came up with the infamous “locker-room talk” that appeared on the tape. “It’s so obvious that Bill came up with that,” he said.
Trump added that if the special counsel, Robert Mueller, has any recordings of Trump associates, such as Paul Manafort or Michael Flynn, colluding with Russians, those voices will “probably turn out to belong to Crooked Hillary also.”
“In addition to being evil, Hillary Clinton is a woman of a thousand voices,” he said.
Should I feel guilty or some other negative emotion, because I did not spend any money last Friday.
And, because I will not spend any money today.
Could that be considered negligence of civic duties?
All nations need some myth to sustain their legitimacy. Most are fairly transparent to anyone with more than half a brain and willing to accept reality. Leading the list of fairy tales is “Great” Britain, whose citizens suffer from an obsession with royalty and aristocracy. News media are full of stories planted by the royal p.r. machine to bolster an image tattered by revelations of what those people are truly like, revealed by republican (very different from Republican) sources.
Currently, all the hyperventilation is about the engagement of one of the worthless ones to an American actress. All will overlook that she is American, half Black, an actress, divorced, and not an aristocrat. Why? Because he is none of the above, and they must keep the myth alive. One hears such garbage as the two bringing the “royal” family into the 21st century.
More froth can be expected to fill the media between now and the wedding. Even US media are stupid enough to fall into the English trap. Such venerable titles as the NY Times and the Washington Post carried front page stories.
I wonder if any country can respect the government of another country, which is led (loosely speaking) by a lying huckster, only interested in self-promotion and self-enrichment.
Just asking, as Fox News would do.
The best job in the world is dictator. You get to plunder a country…and receive a payoff, when you are disposed. If that’s not enough, you get immunity for crimes committed against the people funding the payoff. This would be a great Master Card commercial. Priceless.
Kremlin Names Trump Employee of the Month
By Andy Borowitz
MOSCOW (The Borowitz Report)—Capping an extraordinary year for the former television host, the Kremlin has named Donald J. Trump its Employee of the Month for December.
“No one has worked more tirelessly for the glory of the Fatherland than Donald Trump,” the Russian President Vladimir Putin said in an official statement. “He has set a high bar for all Kremlin employees, and for that, we salute him.”
To mark the honor, Trump’s name will be added to a plaque that hangs in the hallway outside the Kremlin’s H.R. office.
According to Kremlin sources, Trump faced tough competition in the Employee of the Month voting, besting both Syrian President Bashar al-Assad and ExxonMobil’s C.E.O., Rex Tillerson.
Speaking to reporters at his Mar-a-Lago estate, in Florida, Trump called the award “a tremendous honor, just tremendous.”
“Obama was President for eight years and he didn’t win this a single month,” he said. “Loser.”
The many headlines to articles providing methods to avoid conflict at family gatherings, news footage of long lines at airports, and a glance at the calendar suggested that it must be Thanksgiving. I am certain that we would have heated discussion, none of which I would wish to partake in, if my family found ourselves in the same house on this day.
There is little, if anything, in the news that provides an urge to give thanks. One must retreat into thankfulness for health, family who will not discuss politics, and a sense of contentment…occasionally.
We do celebrate the essential part of Thanksgiving—the food—but do it on a day when all can enjoy the feast. Turkey is the star of the show, but it is always upstaged by a perennial favorite…
Fortunately, this not on the list of embargo items and, despite government cuts in foreign aid, Care packages are still be sent to war-ravaged Germany (and news of how good life is has not seeped through to all levels of society).
I am all for women being protected from men (and vice versa, if that might be the case), but things were going too far in some parts of the world (and not far enough in others: I’m looking at you, India).
I spotted the following headline in a British newspaper:
“A mother has demanded her six-year-old son's school bans Sleeping Beauty
because the princess does not give consent to be kissed.”
There are many stupid people in the world, but not all go public with their malady. I guess this women feels that Sleeping Beauty would be better off not living. Eternal sleep, aka death, is preferable to unwanted advances by a man, since she could not give her "consent".
Prior to writing novels, the author enjoyed a multifaceted career: from decorated combat aviator to advertising professional to global communications director of a major consumer brand. He has traveled the world and met sports, film and television stars, political leaders, and royalty. He graduated from Middlebury College, is married, lives in Germany, and has two grown children.