Bad Bang Theory
Every year, millions are spent on fireworks to light up the sky at midnight on New Year’s Eve. Hospitals are overwhelmed by people who have something stupid…beyond wasting money on fireworks.
This year, fireworks are forbidden in Germany, in an attempt to relieve hospitals struggling with Corona. So, what do I hear: fireworks. Countries bordering on Germany have not forbidden the sale of fireworks, so thousands of idiots have driven over the border, so they can waste money and look forward to a visit to a local hospital.
I cannot criticise (after all, I am not a hypocrite!). When I was a youth, fireworks were outlawed in Massachusetts. What did I do? I bought cherry bombs in Virginia, when I visited relatives. There must be something in the DNA of humans that forces them to waste money on forbidden things and/or make explosions.
These days, “brands” have become ubiquitous—overwhelmingly ubiquitous. Since the rise of the internet and social media, more and more people are claiming to be or trying to become a “brand”, driven by ego and/or greed. Some are talented at convincing companies to provide them with free goods or services because they claim to be able to “influence” other people with their importance.
My earliest memory of a brand being important in my life was in junior high school. For some reason, it became cool for boys to use a cologne called “Canoe”. Perhaps, this proved that you have enough money to waste it on something unnecessary: the scent did not attract girls, rather the aura of wealth.
Of course, there were brands being advertised, such as automobiles and cigarettes, but these were uninteresting for a teenager. Clothing brands and sneakers were yet to become fashion necessities. Nike and Ralph Lauren had not been invented, while adidas and Converse were worn only by athletes playing sport.
If you like a good satire about the fools and crooks in America, then watch Don't Look Up on Netflix
knowI have known for a long time that very few Americans could find France on a map. Most only know anything about the country because they have listened to Republican propaganda attacking the country.
If anyone doubted American’s knowledge of geography, one must merely watch the new Emily in Paris on Netflix. In one episode, we are told that she must travels St. Tropez. She boards a train in Paris to make the trip to St. Tropez (which is not serviced by any rail line). Because she must “arrive” at St. Tropez, the producers have her disembark at Villefranche, which is 120 kilometres away…and further from Paris as, say Nice, which is also far from St. Tropez but serviced by rail from Paris. Scenes show her is a car approaching “St Tropez” but the town in the background is Cap Ferret. The next scene shows her arriving at her hotel in Cap Ferret, Hotel de Cap, miles away from St. Tropez. Another scenes supposedly shows her in St. Tropez, is actually in Nice. Another scene in St. Tropez is Villefranche. At the end, they do show a few scenes in St. Tropez, but these are rare. No American will know the difference: they all look foreign.
December 26th, 2021
Marjorie Taylor Greene Accuses Jewish Space Lasers of Trying to Shoot Down Santa
By Andy Borowitz
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Claiming that the “enemies of Christmas” are taking their war against the holiday to “a whole new level,” Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene warned of a conspiracy to use “state-of-the-art Jewish space lasers” to shoot down Santa.
“If you want to win the war on Christmas, first you take out the person who makes Christmas possible,” Greene said. “As I speak, Jewish space lasers are being trained on the North Pole.”
Noting that norad tracks Santa’s route each year, she urged those military officials monitoring his progress “to be on the lookout for any incoming of a space-laser-ish nature.”
In her most incendiary claim, she asserted that the Rothschild banking family is masterminding the anti-Santa plot “because they don’t worship Santa the way regular people do.
“The Rothschilds have already celebrated their own holiday with their little Rothschildren,” she said. “They call it the Festival of Lasers.”
December 25th, 2021
'Twas The Night Before...
The threat of war in the Ukraine and the accompanying threats of European and US governments against Russia have been filling the news media. Maybe the former will happen; the latter will continue whatever happens.
There are some facts that usually are not mentioned. There are two factors playing key roles here: history and natural gas.
The Ukraine plays a key role in Russian history. For one thing, the nation of Russia originated there. Secondly, Russia sees the Ukraine as a buffer against invasion from the West. If Ukrainians become part of NATO, the enemy is on the doorstep.
The main export of Russia is fossil fuel. This the source of money keeping those in power in the driving seat. Europe depends upon fossil fuel, mainly in the form of natural gas, from Russia. About 60% of fuel for heating Europeans comes through pipelines running through Belorussia and the Ukraine. (A new pipeline avoiding those countries has been built, but is a political football being kicked around in various capitals, and is not in operation.)
If NATO agrees to not let the Ukraine into their club, Russia will continue to let the gas flow and not trample on their neighbor. If the fools running NATO insist on letting a needless country join, it might be a cold winter in European households.
December 21st, 2021
Nation Shocked That Jim Jordan Is Capable of Writing a Text
By Andy Borowitz
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—As it emerged that Representative Jim Jordan sent a text to Mark Meadows outlining a plan to overturn the 2020 election, millions of Americans were stunned to learn that Jordan is capable of writing a text.
“If this is true, then Jim Jordan has command of the English language and the capacity to assemble letters to form words,” Carol Foyler, a resident of St. Louis, said. “I have to admit I’m having trouble processing this.”
“Color me skeptical,” Harland Dorrinson, who lives in Akron, Ohio, said, “but, unless I see a video of Jim Jordan actually typing a text with his own thumbs, this so-called news story doesn’t pass the smell test.”
Reports that Jordan is capable of writing a text also provoked amazement in a member of the scientific community, Dr. Anthony Fauci. “Much like COVID-19, there’s still so much about Jim Jordan we don’t know,” he said.
Look Out Kid, They Keep It All Hid
American companies might have moved most of their sourcing to Asia low-cost labor sweatshops. But, not all.
Recent destructive tornados—most likely caused by human impact on the natural environment—have proven that bad labor practices can also be used at home. American workers can be treated just as badly as foreign ones. The only thing missing is the excuse that the company selling the products can’t police manufacturers of those products in another country.
Many died or were injured in a candle factory in Kentucky, because workers were threatened with loss of wages if they sought safety. This reminds one of fires in Bangladesh garment factories in modern times or fires in NY slum factories in times of old. Workers in many US jobs are submitted to the same horrible working conditions as workers in the worst third world nations.
Once again, profits and greed win out over compassion and safety. It would not matter if Sinclair Lewis were still alive, because no one cares...
Prior to writing novels, the author enjoyed a multifaceted career: from decorated combat aviator to advertising professional to global communications director of a major consumer brand. He has traveled the world and met sports, film and television stars, political leaders, and royalty. He graduated from Middlebury College, is married, lives in Germany, and has two grown children.