I finally found something to rant about besides politics and airports: delivery companies.
If you are stuck in a dumb job, that can be economic bondage. If you are totally dependant upon companies that do not care about the level of service they provide, that is aggravating. Increasingly one orders things from some company using the internet. That mostly works. The problem is that all these companies pass the product to a delivery company--FedEx, DHL, UPS, and so on. Some times they deliver as promised, but often they do not.
Have you noticed that there is no way to complain? An email from one informing you of a possible delivery is sent by an email address to which it is impossible to reply. If they even a customer service email, it is kept a secret. Complaints are unwelcome and unwanted and therefore impossible to send.
Today, I was expecting a package. The delivery was announced. At some point, I Iooked into my mailbox and discovered a note from DHL informing me that the driver had been unable to make contact with me and that my package could be picked up the next day at a pick-up point in the next town. I was home at the time, so the guy did not even bother to ring the bell, perhaps because that would have meant walking five meters. Because of his laziness, I now have to wait two days for my package and drive to the next town.
But, I am not able to complain!
Marjorie Taylor Greene’s Status as Most Ignorant Person in Congress at Stake in Alaska Election
By Andy Borowitz
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene’s status as Congress’s most ignorant member is at stake in Alaska’s special election, Greene’s aides have acknowledged.
Greene, who has fended off challenges to her crown of dimness from such formidable contenders as Lauren Boebert and Rand Paul, will face her stiffest test to date when Alaskans go to the polls.
An aide to Greene, Harland Dorrinson, said that the congresswoman will be watching the returns from Alaska “nervously.”
“Ignorance is Margie’s brand,” he said. “Obviously, she’s concerned about anything that could jeopardize that.”
In a sign that she does not intend to relinquish her title without a fight, Greene took to the floor of the House of Representatives and accused President Biden of possessing the nuclear codes.
Tucker Carlson Calls Trump’s Theft of Nuclear Secrets Less Worrisome
Than Hunter Biden’s Use of Joe’s Netflix Password
By Andy Borowitz
WASHNGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a vehement defense of the former President, Tucker Carlson said that Donald J. Trump’s possible theft of nuclear secrets “pales in comparison” with Hunter Biden’s possible use of his father’s Netflix password.
“Let’s be clear: we don’t know if Trump stole nuclear secrets, and we don’t know if Hunter stole his dad’s Netflix password,” the Fox News host said. “But, if both of these things happened, what Hunter did was far worse.”
Expanding on his argument, Carlson said, “No one knows what Trump would do, if anything, with nuclear secrets. But Hunter Biden could have only one use for his father’s Netflix password: illegally obtaining streaming content for free.”
“If Hunter did this, he must be punished to the fullest extent of the law,” he added.
Carlson demanded that Attorney General Merrick Garland drop the investigation into Trump’s possession of classified documents and probe Hunter Biden’s possible use of an ill-gotten Netflix password “immediately.”
“It’s time to do your job, Merrick Garland,” he said. “Every time Hunter watches ‘Stranger Things’ for free, our democracy is threatened.”
It is obvious that the World’s Greatest Conman does not believe laws apply to him, but now we know for sure Republicans agree and do not recognise laws of the land. Absurdity piles upon absurdity, when one sees and hears Republican politicians (mis-labeled as ‘lawmakers’). One has now filed for impeachment of the Attorney General for enforcing laws. His crime? Investigating Republicans chief law breaker.
Trump Dismisses Fears That He’d Build Nukes: “I Couldn’t Even Build a Wall”
By Andy Borowitz
PALM BEACH (The Borowitz Report)—Amid fears that he might have possessed information helpful to building nuclear weapons, Donald J. Trump sought to reassure Americans by declaring that he “couldn’t even build a wall.”
“This business of me building nuclear weapons is a joke,” he said. “You look at my record. I had four years to build a wall and I didn’t get it done. I put my record of not building things against anyone’s.”
Further reassuring the public, Trump added, “From what I understand about building nuclear weapons, it involves a lot of reading. There’s math, there’s science. Not gonna happen.”
Trump said that if “there’s anyone you should worry about building nukes, quite frankly, it’s Joe Biden.”
“Sleepy Joe has been on a building tear,” he said. “He’s building roads, he’s building bridges, he’s building microchip factories. This should never be allowed to happen in our country.”
If ever asked by young people how to succeed in life, I will inform them that shamelessness is the most important trait. They can become a senator, representative, or even president, which will let them do whatever they want and say whatever they want, regardless of veracity. They won’t have to follow laws. They will not have to fear censure or conviction. They simply have to become a Republican.
What is wrong with Republican politicians and party members? What kind of hold does a conman and possible crook have on them? How is this possible? They scream about putting Hilary in jail (for what?) and investigating Hunter Biden, who has never held elected office. But they see no reason to investigate who abused the highest office.
And, I might be prejudicial, but anyone hiding behind the Fifth Amendment 400 times in one hearing has to be guilty of something. Just saying
Trump Says Biden Could Never Take the Fifth as Many Times as He Did
By Andy Borowitz
NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—After pleading the Fifth Amendment more than four hundred times in his deposition to the New York State attorney general, Donald J. Trump boasted that Joe Biden could never take the Fifth as many times as he did.
“I’d like to see Sleepy Joe sit in a chair for six hours and take the Fifth four hundred times,” he told reporters. “It’s not gonna happen.”
Claiming that it takes “incredible stamina” to take the Fifth approximately seventy times an hour, Trump said, “I’m winning at the Fifth.”
Calling Biden’s Presidency “a disaster,” he said, “What has Sleepy Joe been doing the past week? Passing a climate-change bill, killing that Al Qaeda guy. Meanwhile, how many times did he take the Fifth? A big fat zero. Joe Biden is a disgrace.”
Feds Seizing Documents at Mar-a-Lago Unable to Find Trump’s Health-care Plan
By Andy Borowitz
PALM BEACH (The Borowitz Report)—F.B.I. agents swarming over Donald J. Trump’s Florida estate reported that they have so far been unable to locate the health-care plan that he had promised to deliver while President.
“Trump said that the plan was terrific and beautiful and far better than Obamacare,” Harland Dorrinson, the lead F.B.I. agent searching the estate, said. “If we could get our hands on it, that would be a game changer for our country.”
Agents cracked open the former President’s safe but were frustrated in their attempts to find any documents with the words “health” or “care” in them.
“It’s got to be around here somewhere,” one F.B.I. agent said.
As of late Monday night, a Bureau spokesman indicated that the agents had also been unable to find a prescription-drug plan, an infrastructure plan, or the framework for a peace treaty with North Korea.
The author continues to enjoy non-notoriety, which allowed plowing ahead and producing the next trash novel to be ignored by the world.
Not being smart enough to figure out when a dead horse no longer needs beating…
Now available in paperback and eBook at Amazon.
Prior to writing novels, the author enjoyed a multifaceted career: from decorated combat aviator to advertising professional to global communications director of a major consumer brand. He has traveled the world and met sports, film and television stars, political leaders, and royalty. He graduated from Middlebury College, is married, lives in Germany, and has two grown children.