Pope Met with People Who Refuse to Do Jobs
BY ANDY BOROWITZ
VATICAN CITY (The Borowitz Report)—The Vatican has confirmed that while Pope Francis was in Washington, he had meetings with people who refuse to do their jobs.
The Pope met privately with the Kentucky county clerk Kim Davis, and also met at the U.S. Capitol with several hundred other people who have chosen not to perform their duties, the Vatican said.
“Reporting every day to a job that one has no intention of doing can only fill one with anguish,” the official Vatican statement read. “The Pope wanted to show these people compassion.”
While in Washington, the Pope had hoped to meet with thousands of additional people who do not do their jobs, but there “wasn’t enough time,” the Vatican said.
Kochs Hope to Be First to Pollute Water on Mars
BY ANDY BOROWITZ
WICHITA (The Borowitz Report)—Just hours after NASA revealed the discovery of water on the surface of Mars, a spokesman for Koch Industries said that the company would spend billions to become the red planet’s first major industrial polluter.
“At Koch Industries, we are well aware that our practice of spewing over six million pounds of toxins a year into Earth’s water is not sustainable,” said the billionaire Koch brothers’ corporate spokesman, Harland Dorrinson. “That’s why this discovery of water on Mars is so exciting.”
The company hopes to conduct the first toxic-dumping mission to Mars by 2030—at a projected cost of three billion dollars, or roughly the price of four Presidential candidates, the spokesman said.
In response to a reporter’s question, the Kochs’ spokesman offered no opinion about whether the water on Mars could sustain life, saying only that it would be unlikely to in the future.
It is interesting to note that Republicans, who have worked tirelessly to trip up, foil, and destroy Obama, keep harping on his “lack of success” as president. These white guys and gals are still so upset that a black man (and a Democrat) won the coveted spot, that they also want to chip away at his future legacy. Past presidents, regardless of party, have enjoyed a bit of partisan support. Not Obama. As Larry Wilmore might say: a brother can’t get a break
The lead story in the news reports the “loss” of Kundus to the Taliban. I shake my head at the stupidity and ignorance of western politicians and military planners.
I am reading a history of foreign involvement in Afghanistan, which has been filled with delusion and repeated failure, because foreigners refuse to understand and accept the nature of the people. Too bad politicians don’t or can’t read. Or, is it arrogance
Prejudice, a dirty word, and faith, a clean one,
have something in common:
they both begin where reason ends.
Dr. Jack Finch
Go Set A Watchman
I rarely read a book, without reading one or two others concurrently. Because of this, it might take some time to make my way from beginning to end. Occasionally, I will make an exception and work my way through a book from beginning to end without pausing to look at another work. Such was the case with The Girl Who Saved The King Of Sweden, because the story compelled me to stay tuned.
I have written already about Go Set A Watchman, which I started some time back. Last night, I finished Harper Lee’s second (first?) novel and can now write a review…or rather give an opinion. Overall, I like her style of writing, which many might find old fashioned. Well, it was written in the 1950s, so only a fool would expect it to be “modern”.
Surprisingly, I like Go Set A Watchman better than To Kill A Mockingbird.
I might be one of only a few, judging from the headlines of reviews I have bothered to notice. I find that it has more substance, although perhaps not as much of a “story”. A truer book about life in the United States at the time (and, perhaps, even now) will be difficult to find. Harper Lee was a keen observer of humans and life in the South.
I find it ironic that this novel appeared at a time when race relations are in such focus. White fear of black people, kept mostly below the surface, was a major factor of life in the South at the time of the novel.
Perhaps, much of the criticism of this novel emirates from the discomfort of facing up to the truth so easily denied by the media, intellectuals, and bigots.
Just as I do not understand why people are so excited about To Kill A Mockingbird, few will understand why I like Go Set A Watchman. Neither fact disturbs me…
The following excerpt from a book on the United States (American Nations) provides an explanation as to why more-factual accounts of history are not in schools. The Powers-That-Be do not want citizens to know what they do and how they enrich themselves and their friends. The recent banking crisis made more people a bit more aware that something is fishy, but nothing dramatic will ever change. People in power have always acted in their own best interest.
In the dark hours of the years of liberation, the Continental Congress had no money to pay salaries of soldiers or to compensate farmers for requisitioned food and livestock. Instead Congress gave these people government IOUs. The practice continued for years until, under the financial administration of the notoriously unethical banker Robert Morris, the state of Pennsylvania announced it would no longer accept the congressional IOUs as payment for taxes. With no other form of money in circulation in much of the countryside, many poor families had no choice but to sell the notes for whatever they could get, and wealthy speculators purchased them for one-sixth to one-fortieth of their face value. Soon just over 400 individuals held over 96 percent of Pennsylvania war debt, and nearly half was controlled by just twenty-eight men, most of whom were Robert Morris’s friends. Shortly thereafter, Morris and his protege Alexander Hamilton took control of federal financial policy, rigging it so as to literally turn their friends’ worthless paper into silver and gold. Under Morris and Hamilton, the federal government would buy back the bonds at face value, plus 6 percent interest, paid in precious metals raised by assessing new federal excise taxes designed to fall most heavily on the poor people who’d been forced to take the worthless congressional scrip in the first place.
And, Hamilton’s the crook now gracing every $10 bill!
Boehner to Continue Repealing Obamacare After Leaving Congress
BY ANDY BOROWITZ
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—House Speaker John Boehner announced that he would resign as Speaker and leave Congress in October, but said that he would continue repealing Obamacare from his home in Ohio.
Explaining his decision, Boehner told reporters, “A lot of the Speaker’s job is administrative, which is time-consuming and tiring. In retirement, I’ll have more time for what I really love: repealing Obamacare.”
Boehner said that he plans to begin every day with a good breakfast, some exercise, and a vote to repeal Obamacare before lunch.
“No one knows how much time one is allotted on this planet,” Boehner, striking a somber tone, said. “But if the Lord above grants me good health, I will repeal Obamacare thousands of times before my journey ends.”
Prior to writing novels, the author enjoyed a multifaceted career: from decorated combat aviator to advertising professional to global communications director of a major consumer brand. He has traveled the world and met sports, film and television stars, political leaders, and royalty. He graduated from Middlebury College, is married, lives in Germany, and has two grown children.