Government constantly call for and often conduct investigations after some tragedy or crime. Nothing changes, because the same tragedies happen and crime is unstoppable.
The second thing they do is suggest prayer. Just look at how well that has worked....
I’m off to The Land of the Gun and the Home of the NRA for three weeks.
I hope I will survive in a state where people are permitted to openly carry firearms and shoot anyone who appears threatening. As my attitude will surely threaten any gun owner, I might not come back.
I have a suggestion.
The United States should switch laws. People should be allowed to drink at 18, but not to buy a gun until 21.
Think about the absurdity of the current situation.
No wonder kids buy guns the moment they turn 18. They are in need of a drink.
USA USA USA
We are the Champions. We are the best. No one does it better.
Leading the world by far in mass shootings, gun deaths, and child murders.
God’s chosen nation chooses guns and death. One A Day used to be a brand of multiple vitamin; now, it is a mass shooting.
Vote Republican. Join the party. Only requirements are shamelessness, willingness to promote guns, and to be a hypocrite.
Guns are allowed at the NRA loveliest….except when the conman with the funny hair is in the room spewing lies.
And how about the police, who are armed to the teeth.? They are great at shooting unarmed Black men, but afraid of a teenager with a gun. They will surely be branded “heroes” because they showed up at the school.
Shaken Greg Abbott Describes Moment of Terror When Beto O’Rourke Talked to Him
By Andy Borowitz
AUSTIN (The Borowitz Report)—A rattled Greg Abbott described for reporters the moment of abject terror that he endured when the gubernatorial candidate Beto O’Rourke suddenly talked to him.
“Without warning, out of nowhere, there he appeared, saying things,” the Governor of Texas said. “I’m still shaking just thinking about it.”
Accusing O’Rourke of hiding behind the First Amendment, Abbott asserted, “That amendment was written in the eighteenth century and was intended for use only in times of war, such as when Paul Revere warned that the British were coming.”
Abbott said that he would secure twenty-four-hour police protection to shield himself from future terrifying incidents of O’Rourke speaking, and that he would take measures to safeguard fellow-Texans from similar outbursts.
One measure under consideration is a two-week waiting period between O’Rourke thinking of something to say and being permitted to say it, aides to the Governor confirmed.
“The No. 1 problem facing Texas today is Beto O’Rourke making sudden, unprovoked comments,” he said. “We must pass new, strict laws to protect Texans from Beto O’Rourke’s sentences.”
Guns don’t kill people; Republican politicians kill people.
Don’t forget their enablers: NRA, Fox News, the Supreme Court, CPAC, lobbyists, National Prayer Breakfast, 700 Club, and on and on….
And, has anyone noticed how much good is achieved by praying after a mass shooting…or any shooting?
And, of course, Republicans are demanding more guns. What’s new?
Senators go on vacation, because they all know nothing is going to happen. There is no need to stay on a job they can’t and/or refuse to do!
Talk about turning tides.
There was a time when the United States sent food to prevent starvation in Europe. Who would have ever thought that god’s chosen country would require something in return. Of course, most people don’t understand the greed and lack of empathy rages in the country. Laws enable investors to get rich by avoiding regulation and acquiring companies. Consumers, the public, and babies are not important.
Where’s James Bond when the world needs him. He had a talent for eliminating evil villains threatening to blackmail major governments or to destroy the planet. He never failed.
Now, an evil villain is actually threatening to destroy world order more than he already has. His plan is create famine in Africa, so that millions flee to Europe and overwhelm democracies. Merely destroying Ukraine as a nation and people is not enough, only the beginning. Ukraine is a major food producer.
A devastated landscape will provide a buffer to prevent attack or a flood of refugees from Europe. Not caring one iota about anyone in the world, he sits in his golden lair and celebrates his own greatness. His private army keeps the wolves from his door. Lackey praise his genius and sup at the table he lays for them.
Without James Bond to save the world, the plan might work.
So, now we know how the Supreme Court makes decisions.
Many years ago, I made advertising for Proctor & Gamble. We would present ideas to the advertising manager and receive a response, make changes, and return for approval.
This worked with all managers except one. He was an American, sent by Cincinnati HQ to work in Germany. After presenting ideas, we did not receive any feedback. We were told that he had to think about it overnight. At some point, we learned from his colleague that he took the ideas home get a response from his wife. This he communicated to us. So, the wife of a P&G manager was making advertising decisions for brands sold in Germany.
This appears to be the manner of decision making at the US Supreme Court. Let the wife decide.
Uber Driver Charges Newly Freed Martin Shkreli Three Hundred Times Normal Rate
By Andy Borowitz
ALLENWOOD, PENNSYLVANIA (The Borowitz Report)—Immediately after being released from prison, the former pharmaceutical C.E.O. Martin Shkreli got an unpleasant surprise when an Uber driver charged him three hundred times the normal rate.
The driver said that he jacked up the price of Shkreli’s ride once he recognized the notorious “pharma bro,” sending the cost of the twelve-dollar fare rocketing to thirty-six hundred dollars.
Refusing to pay, Shkreli demanded to get out of the car, after which he walked to the side of the road and began hitchhiking.
As of press time, Shkreli had yet to get a ride, as drivers recognizing the convicted felon sped past him.
The Uber driver said that Shkreli had been “really pissed” about the sudden increase in price, but added, “I explained to him, this is how capitalism works.”
Prior to writing novels, the author enjoyed a multifaceted career: from decorated combat aviator to advertising professional to global communications director of a major consumer brand. He has traveled the world and met sports, film and television stars, political leaders, and royalty. He graduated from Middlebury College, is married, lives in Germany, and has two grown children.