Don’t you just love the Catholic Church? You know, that exclusive men’s club headed by “god’s chosen” representative on Earth—of course an old white guy. The thing is, he is not chosen by god, but rather by a bunch of (mostly) old white guys. They want and god degrees.
After long delays and much outside pressure, the Catholic Church is slowly beginning to apologise for past (and continuing) sins. The problem is that, apologises are meaningless and hypocritical because nothing is done against the sinners (ie. Lawbreakers). Organizations, whether religious, political, or private never do anything against their own kind. They are good at harming others, but rubbish at punishing friends or colleagues. Because all are guilty of something, calling out one might shed light on them…
Mitch McConnell Expels Joe Manchin from Republican Party
By Andy Borowitz
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Accusing the West Virginia senator of “collaborating with the enemy,” Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell angrily announced Joe Manchin’s expulsion from the Republican Party.
“Joe Manchin’s behavior during the past twenty-four hours has shocked and dismayed his fellow-Republicans,” McConnell told reporters. “He has gone over to the dark side.”
McConnell said that Manchin had “traitorously” broken with the G.O.P. leadership by “consorting with Democrats.”
“If Joe Manchin thinks his party will forgive him for this betrayal, he is sorely mistaken,” he said.
The party leader said that “what hurts the most” is that Manchin agreed to a deal that mitigates climate change and lowers health-care costs. “He no longer deserves to call himself a Republican,” he said bitterly.
Here’s another thing I hate: the first minutes of a movie. One is forced to look at dodgy logos of production companies, which they follow with words telling you the same thing It’s even worse if there are partnerships. Each must haves its moments of self-promotion about which no viewer cares or will remember. This is the cinema equivalent of self-gratification.
Most know the familiar story of how the attacks of September 11th could have been prevented if the CIA and FBI had only shared intelligence. All bureaucracies love to keep things to themselves, jealously guarding information they feel to be theirs to keep. Sharing might help someone else be successful.
I have recently read an even weirder scenario in a New Yorker article on a CIA leak. A disgruntled employee in a super-secret department dealing in hacking computers of foreign nationals and governments leak all the secrets to Wikileaks. This information was now available to anyone with a computer.
The CIA called in the FBI to investigate. One problem: the FBI investigators were not allowed to look at evidence because it was Top Secret. And because it was Top Secret, even looking at it on Wikileaks—which anyone could do—would mean those investigators would be breaking the law. That evidence could not be presented in court, because jurors did not have security clearances. The guy was not convicted.
Trump Claims Justice Department Cannot Prove He Ever Acted as a President
By Andy Borowitz
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Predicting that “their case is about to fall apart,” Donald J. Trump claimed that the Department of Justice has “zero proof” that he ever acted as a President.
“This is the greatest witch hunt of all time,” Trump told Fox News’s Sean Hannity. “Merrick Garland and the D.O.J. will never, ever find evidence of me doing something a President would do.”
“This is like accusing Rudy Giuliani of being a lawyer,” he added.
As for the White House aides who have been called before a grand jury, Trump said, “If any of them come up with even one example of me being a President, they’re lying.”
Calling the D.O.J.’s investigation of him a “disgrace,” he warned, “If I can be accused of being a President, then anyone can. This should never be allowed to happen in our country.”
Hawley Concerned That Being a Coward Is Overshadowing His Work as a Fascist
By Andy Borowitz
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Senator Josh Hawley is “deeply concerned” that his newfound national reputation for cowardice is overshadowing his commitment to end democracy.
“People see one video of me fleeing like a terrified bunny, and they think that’s all there is to me,” Hawley told reporters at a press conference. “They’re totally forgetting that I’m also a guy who tried to overturn a free and fair election.”
Hawley admitted that, although it is tempting to stereotype him as “a guy who was scared shitless of a mob he had egged on earlier in the day, that’s just one side of me. What about the side of me that wantonly subverts democracy? That should count for something.”
“People are focussing on the totally chickenshit Josh Hawley and ignoring the lusting-for-autocracy Josh Hawley,” he complained.
Hawley’s press conference was cut short after a reporter asked a question and the senator ran away.
Thinking about character habits for a story I am writing, I thought about second-hand shops and yard sales. Gems are often found in these off-the-radar shopping experiences. But most people look to save money, not discover something of value.
As with every writing experience, my mind wanders in various directions. What is the difference between a second-hand shop and an antique shop? Time?
There is a saying about one man’s junk being another man’s treasure. This probably works for both types of shop.
If you do not believe the Supreme Court is a political body, simply look at major decisions. Justices vote depending upon their party affiliation—which they deny. Unanimous votes deal with issues which do not interest their political bosses. Interests and will of the people play no role. Popular opinion is not a factor in a process where vested interested rule the day. The rich win, and the poor are shut out. The voice of the people is not heard or not even sought. For the people, by the people, and of the people are words on a document the justices to which only pay lip service. Sometimes, I wonder if some have even read the damn paper.
Bannon’s Lawyers Argue That Imprisoning Him Would Be Cruel and Unusual Punishment for Other Prisoners
By Andy Borowitz
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In an impassioned plea in open court, lawyers for Steve Bannon argued that imprisoning their client would result in cruel and unusual punishment for those incarcerated with him.
“The Eighth Amendment to the United States Constitution explicitly bans cruel and unusual punishment,” Bannon’s attorney, Harland Dorrinson, declared. “We strongly believe that being locked up in the same facility with Mr. Bannon is precisely what the authors of that amendment had in mind.”
Forcing prisoners to be imprisoned with Bannon would violate “not only the Constitution but the Geneva Conventions,” he added.
“Speaking from personal experience, I have spent hours in proximity to Mr. Bannon,” the attorney said. “The prospect of spending five or ten years in such a state is too horrible to contemplate.”
In a final argument, the attorney noted the behavior of the federal prosecutors, who rested their case against Bannon after calling only two witnesses. “Your Honor, they clearly couldn’t wait to get out of here,” he said. “I beg of you, let us all leave.”
I read something interesting about the genesis of the Bible. I am certain that 99% of gullible people believing the myths in this book do not know that the Catholic Church is responsible for the current form, coming up with the New Testament and tacking int on to the Jewish Old Testament.
All the splitter movements—Methodists, Baptists, Episcopalians, and on and on—would not be happy knowing they are using something from Catholics and Jews. They all think Jesus sat at a computer and typed the books on Word, copied it a Kinko’s, and delivered it to households with USPS. The taint of Rome would surely cause noses to turn up, but tele-evangelists would find a way to turn the news into profit for themselves.
Prior to writing novels, the author enjoyed a multifaceted career: from decorated combat aviator to advertising professional to global communications director of a major consumer brand. He has traveled the world and met sports, film and television stars, political leaders, and royalty. He graduated from Middlebury College, is married, lives in Germany, and has two grown children.