Mueller Stirs Controversy by Urging Americans to Read
By Andy Borowitz
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—The special counsel Robert Mueller ignited a firestorm of controversy on Wednesday by recommending that millions of Americans read.
Mueller, seemingly oblivious to the uproar he was about to create, repeatedly commented that there was valuable information available to the American people only by reading a long book.
At the White House, sources said that Donald J. Trump was furious about Mueller’s statement because he interpreted the special counsel’s pro-reading message as a thinly veiled attack on him.
Speaking to reporters later, on the White House lawn, Trump made it clear that Mueller’s exhortation to read had fallen on deaf ears.
“I’ve never read any of my books, and I certainly don’t intend to read his,” Trump said.
Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things.
Lie to avoid the draft and service to country.
Insult those who served and suffered, even after they are dead.
(How utterly silly to have a ship removed from your sight!)
Trash the Constitution.
Pretend to be something you are not.
Ignore laws about self-enrichment and nepotism.
Waste taxpayer money.
Make fun of men and women who work for the good of the country.
Spoil relationships with allies.
Cosy up to dictators.
Pardon murderers and crooks.
That’s the new American Way.
All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.
For some reason—perhaps a film scene recently seen—I got to thinking about a man having to ask a father for permission of marry his daughter. This must be an anachronism, but for how long has it survived. Surely, humans surviving as hunters and gatherers did not follow this custom, if they even had institutionalised marriage. I can’t imagine “institutions” is such a time. Once farming evolved, ownership became a thing. Animal—and females—were bought, sold, and traded. Girls had value, so a man had to negotiate with a father for his daughter. The the price of fish at the market, the cost of a bride variety widely. Of course, girls had even less rights than they do now. Even documents guaranteeing equal rights can have little weight in families still handcuffed to primitive religions.
Although carrying little or no weight in more modern lands, traditionalist still find it necessary to ask for dad’s permission.
I am not--and could never be--a "life coach".
That said, I have learned a thing or two during a life of work and play. Here is just one example:
How to destroy dreams
I have not watched Game of Thrones and have no intention of ever watching the show. Fantasy and brutality do not interest me. That said, I just watched a documentary on the making of the series, which was extremely interesting.
I am always impressed by people able to create and produce whatever is needed to fool audiences into belief. I also have sympathy for people working on films, especially the extras, who spend hours waiting.
Not having seen the show, I was surprised to see how much played during the winter. Of course, most was filmed at any time other than winter, so snow had to be faked. The most interesting guy in the entire documentary was the guy in charge of making snow. If you ever see this, noticed this guy and listen to his story.
Queen Elizabeth Says Bone Spurs Will Prevent Her from Meeting Trump
By Andy Borowitz
LONDON (The Borowitz Report)—Queen Elizabeth II has cancelled a scheduled Friday meeting with Donald J. Trump after complaining of a “flare-up of bone spurs,” Buckingham Palace has confirmed.
The announcement took many royal watchers by surprise, because in her sixty-six-year reign the Queen had never before complained of bone spurs.
But, according to the Queen’s spokesman, Peter Rhys-Willington, Elizabeth had intentionally kept her chronic bone-spur condition a closely guarded secret until now. “Her Majesty is a very brave woman, and has not wanted to unnecessarily worry her subjects,” Rhys-Willington said. “And so, for decades, she has suffered in silence.”
The Queen referred to her bone spurs obliquely in an official statement issued on Thursday. “We are sorry to have to cancel the engagement, but we feared that meeting Donald Trump would be most painful,” the Queen’s statement read.
Facebook admits that a denigrating video of a major political leader is fake…but refuses to remove it. Since this platform reaches millions with no interest in facts or truth, the influence is dangerous. The seeds of democracy’s destruction are imbedded in its DNA, but money-grubbing companies and individuals accelerate the process.
Prior to writing novels, the author enjoyed a multifaceted career: from decorated combat aviator to advertising professional to global communications director of a major consumer brand. He has traveled the world and met sports, film and television stars, political leaders, and royalty. He graduated from Middlebury College, is married, lives in Germany, and has two grown children.