Kevin McCarthy Amazed by Incredible New Invention Called Tape Recorder
By Andy Borowitz
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Kevin McCarthy is “quite frankly amazed” by a “newfangled invention” called the tape recorder, the House Minority Leader told reporters.
“It’s the darnedest gizmo,” he said. “You speak into it, and then it can play your voice back, clear as day. I can’t for the life of me figure out how it works.”
“It almost seems like witchcraft,” he added.
McCarthy said that the invention of tape-recording technology could have a “major impact” on politics.
“When you say something to someone, now you’re going to have to remind yourself, Hey, Kevin, the things you say might wind up being recorded,” he said. “It really is a game changer.”
The sudden emergence of the tape recorder raises concerns about how other technologies might someday affect politicians’ conduct, McCarthy said. “I know this sounds crazy, but, if somebody figures out how to put a camera into a phone, look out,” he warned.
I have pointed out in the past the worthlessness of the United Nations. If anyone out there believes this club of hot air has value, then they should read the news.
We already knew that Russia had no use for the body, other than a place to spread lies and propaganda. This worked as long as most member voted for their ideas or abstained. Once the majority voted to oust the country from the human rights council, at a time they are bombing hospitals and schools in Ukraine, they decided not to even bother.
Why else would a member of the United Nations bomb a city where the leader of that body was trying to affect peace—after failing in the country of the aggressor?
As I wrote, worthless!
I read where the madman in Moscow is trying to make a correction to historical mistakes. He wants to re-take lands “belonging” to the Soviet Union.
If that is the case, then we must discuss history and how far back mistakes need to be corrected. He must have missed the days in school when history was taught. Poland used to rule much of what is Russia, Belorus, Ukraine, etc. Maybe the tables should be turned on the idiot.
Of maybe Germany should take back land that used to belong to Wilhelm the Great; or the Austrians should take back lands they controlled at the peak of the Austro-Hungarian Empire. Or what about the Turks, who made it all the way to Vienna.
And, if you want to get started, then England will want to correct the mistake of “losing” their empire.
The list goes on, but the crook in Moscow thinks that he is special and seems to be getting away with his megalomaniacal contrivance.
Musk Deletes Every Twitter Account but His
By Andy Borowitz
AUSTIN (The Borowitz Report)—In his first official act since acquiring the social-media company, Elon Musk has deleted every Twitter account but his.
Minutes after the acquisition was announced, the two hundred million people who had Twitter accounts found that they could no longer tweet, and that the Tesla C.E.O.’s tweets were the only ones that appeared on the site.
In an official statement, Musk said that he deleted everyone else’s accounts to address “the No. 1 problem plaguing Twitter: the relentless flood of voices inferior to mine.”
The billionaire said that he would consider letting people other than himself back on Twitter “on a case-by-case basis.”
“If people can show that they have something to say that’s as smart as what I’ve got to say, they will get their accounts back,” he said. “So, not likely.”
If you look around the world and compare some countries to states in god’s chosen land, you notice some similarities.
Some countries and some states are dictatorships, where citizens have no say (even if they think they live in a democracy.)
Some countries want to be ruled by a certain religion, with laws decreed by the Bible or Koran. This is not different from communism, in which they control everything done and thought by everyone (except the rulers).
The leaders use the courts to justify their actions, because the appoint and/or control all judges. Trials are for show.
In that respect, Florida is no different the North Korea. Texas is no different than Russia.
Two pathetic spectacles are raging in the world: the unprovoked brutality against innocent people in the Ukraine and the savaging of a red-haired boy in the UK press.
Human life is a game. Don’t believe me. Just witness what is happening in Europe.
Russia invaded Ukraine, because they wanted the land and wanted to control the people. Ukrainians fought back.
Europe is helping Ukraine, but only to a certain extent.
Marjorie Taylor Greene Claims She Was Abducted by Jewish Spaceship on January 6th
By Andy Borowitz
ATLANTA (The Borowitz Report)—The Georgia congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene testified on Friday that she could not have played a part in the January 6, 2021, insurrection because she had been abducted by a Jewish spaceship earlier that day.
“I was walking down the street, minding my own business, when suddenly a Jewish teleporting beam levitated me into the hull of the orbiter,” she said.
Once abducted, she testified, she found herself in the presence of the Rothschild banking family, all dressed in silver spacesuits.
“They had this big panel with flashing lights and knobs on it that they were using to control the government, the news media, and the entertainment industry,” she said.
After observing her for several hours, the Rothschilds returned her to Earth unharmed, she said.
“My biggest fear was that the Rothschilds had implanted something in my head to control my mind the way they control wildfires,” she testified. “Fortunately, my brain is the same as it’s always been.”
What society be like in the future?
Perhaps, that can be answered by what school children are seeing and hearing each day. They see and hear what older people say. Mostly, that is what politicians want them to see and hear.
And, what’s that?
Lies. Dishonesty. Fake news.
The former President of the United States told lies every day he was in office. And the man continues to lie.That was in addition to breaking laws and vacuuming up money from stupid people to line his pockets.
The Prime Minister of Britain stood up in Parliament and lied to members and the nation.
The President of Russia lies every day, when video proof of his dishonesty and brutality and crimes against humanity play around the world.
Republican politicians lie more than they do not. The numbers are too high to list.
Lying is the new truth telling. Why should the average citizen do anything different? Each day they witness the world leaders getting away with dishonesty. They do it because there are no consequences. And, because of that, things will surely become worse.
Florida Judge Rules That Airlines Cannot Require Passengers to Have Tickets
By Andy Borowitz
TAMPA (The Borowitz Report)—Calling the provision a “violation of individual freedom,” a federal judge in Florida has ruled that airlines can no longer require passengers to have tickets.
Judge Kathryn Kimball Mizelle said that she came to her decision after finding that the United States Constitution makes “no reference whatsoever” to airline tickets.
“The Framers of the Constitution clearly wanted to prevent the infringement of Americans’ right to board any airplane they want,” the Trump appointee said. “And so I hereby lift the ticket mandate.”
As part of her ruling, Mizelle barred the airlines from giving seat assignments, calling that practice a violation of the First Amendment’s enshrinement of “freedom of sitting.”
The pilot of an airliner travelling from Denver to Chicago announced Mizelle’s decision in mid-flight on Wednesday, causing passengers to erupt in applause and wrestle for seats in first class.
Prior to writing novels, the author enjoyed a multifaceted career: from decorated combat aviator to advertising professional to global communications director of a major consumer brand. He has traveled the world and met sports, film and television stars, political leaders, and royalty. He graduated from Middlebury College, is married, lives in Germany, and has two grown children.