f asked, most people would identify Hollywood as the “Dream Factory” or home of illusion makers. Not me. I would answer: England, Britain, or “Great” Britain”. Global centre of illusion and deluded people
Don’t believe me? Simply look at news from the recent film premiere in London. The stars of the show were not the actors or the movie, but a family of grifters who owe their wealth to plundering peoples around the world over the past centuries and their survival to a government needing a myth. A character like James Bond lets people believe that the country is still significant in world affairs, thus feeding the delusion of the bejewelled clowns prancing down the red carpet. They belong to the few not needing to wait in line for fuel at gas stations or worry about crops rotting in the fields due to government incompetence and the idiotic decision to leave the European Union.
Trump Claims He Won German Election
By Andy Borowitz
PALM BEACH (The Borowitz Report)—Urging the German people to “stop the steal,” Donald J. Trump claimed that he was elected Chancellor of Germany over the weekend.
Trump said that, once the official vote tallies have been recounted, it will be clear that he won the German election by a “landslide.”
Reflecting on his purported win, Trump said, “I’ve always wanted to be the Chancellor of Germany. That’s a title that’s been held by some very fine people.”
He revealed that he planned to send the former mayor of New York Rudy Giuliani to Germany to contest the election results. “He hasn’t been disbarred there yet,” Trump said.
For his part, Giuliani said that he relished his latest mission on Trump’s behalf. “I can’t wait to get to Germany,” he said. “When does Oktoberfest start?”
After the never-ending games and drama of US elections, it’s refreshing to witness an election with no games, no fake news, no character assassination, no blatant lies (of course, politicians always sugar-coat bad news and bend the truth in their favor), no gerrymandering, no voter suppression…simply democracy as it can be. German political parties mostly attempt to find compromises and not blatant block legislation, with all working for solutions to best serve the population. There is no need to spend all their energy collecting money (bribes!) and no blocking of legislation to serve political party demands.
Democracy can work the way people imagine it should.
Given how screwed the the “world’s greatest democracy” is, one can look with interest at Germany, where national elections have been held. Seven parties will be in the parliament, with either two or three forming a coalition to select the chancellor.
The leaders of all these parties sat on a stage on the national television and answered very direct question about how their parties had performed and how they plan to come together to form a government. All spoke intelligently, with interruptions from competitors, and provided hope for the future.
There is no Fox Unnews in Germany, so almost all election reporting was honest and intelligent. Despite differences—the parties range from far right (they would welcome Hitler) to far left (they would rule like communists), but the majority of the other parties are close in the middle. Despite these difference, a government formation is possible, because all are civilised and want the best for the country (not for themselves, like Republican politicians).
Biden Thanks Arizona G.O.P. for Letting Him Relive Greatest Victory of His Life
By Andy Borowitz
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In an extraordinary expression of gratitude to his political foes, President Biden thanked the Arizona G.O.P. for allowing him to relive the most glorious victory of his life.
Speaking from the White House, Biden said, “The election was almost a year ago, and the memory of that amazing achievement had really started to fade. Thanks to the Arizona Republicans, all those wonderful memories have begun flooding back.”
The President added that he was indebted to the Arizona G.O.P. for “giving me a lift when I needed it most.”
“Let me tell you, this job is a killer, Jack,” he said. “Some days can get very, very dark. But thanks to the Arizona Republicans there’s a smile on my face and a skip in my step again.”
Biden noted that Pennsylvania Republicans, following in the footsteps of their Arizona brethren, are about to let him relive his greatest win yet again. “All I can say is, thanks, man,” he said. “You guys are the best!”
Added to the list of all-time great “shoot yourself in the foot” blunders, add the Republican recount of the presidential election in Arizona. Not only did it prove that the result was called correctly, the biggest loser in history lost by an even higher margin.
Of course, the world’s biggest liar will still go around the county claiming victory without a shred of evidence beyond his delusion. This adds to proof of stupidity to Republican voters, who continue to believe the lies and send money to the grifter.
Trump Files Lawsuit After Finishing New York Times Story He Started in 2018
By Andy Borowitz
PALM BEACH (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump filed a hundred-million-dollar lawsuit after finishing a New York Times story that he started reading in 2018, the former President has confirmed.
“When I started reading the story three years ago, I saw my name in the headline and it made me happy,” Trump told reporters. “It said ‘Trump.’ I thought, This is probably going to be a good story.”
As he continued reading the story in 2019, he said, “It still didn’t seem so bad to me. I spent that year reading three or four paragraphs, and I didn’t really get the entire gist of the article.”
In 2020, Trump said, “I was busy with the election, so I didn’t get to read as much of the article as I would’ve liked. I maybe got through five, six more sentences. It mentioned my name a lot. ‘Trump.’ Still seemed O.K.”
Though Trump was ultimately able to finish the Times article this week, he accused its authors of making it intentionally difficult for him to read.
“Those so-called writers used many, many long words that I didn’t know—and Jared didn’t, either,” he said. “We had to ask Ivanka what they meant, and, quite frankly, she had to look a lot of them up. And those jokers won the Pulitzer for this crap? That should never be allowed to happen in this country.”
Oh, woe is Germany. Angie, the political leader often touted as the most powerful woman in the world, is stepping down. She doesn’t have to; she could run again in the upcoming national election. She has had enough; and who can blame her?
The good thing about German elections is that campaigns last only a few weeks, not endlessly as in the world’s greatest democracy (self-proclaimed illusion). One must listen to endless posturing and deceptive claims for only a short time, see uninspiring campaign posters beside the roads, and discuss options with others and then return to more of the same. Regardless who wins, nothing really changes.
The problem this time is that all the candidates for leadership of the country—a coalition is guaranteed, as no party has a potential to win more than 30%—are all so mediocre and bland. If is difficult to imagine any one of them running the country, much less confronting the leaders of the major nations—Russia, China, US—to say nothing of European partners. One can picture them as teachers or shopkeepers, but not as leader of a quarrelsome coalition trying to master the problems of a major industrial nation and member of the European Union.
If you want to see how ridiculous the legal system is—besides watching television shows or documentaries—just read the headlines about the ongoing circus surrounding claims against the second son of the old lady worshipped by (most) British citizens.
And, one understands that there are tules for the rich and rules for everyone else.
Prior to writing novels, the author enjoyed a multifaceted career: from decorated combat aviator to advertising professional to global communications director of a major consumer brand. He has traveled the world and met sports, film and television stars, political leaders, and royalty. He graduated from Middlebury College, is married, lives in Germany, and has two grown children.