Georgia Governor Declares Water a Gateway Drug That Leads to Voting
By Andy Borowitz
ATLANTA (The Borowitz Report)—Raising the ante in his ongoing battle with the aqueous substance, Georgia’s governor, Brian Kemp, has declared water “a gateway drug that leads to voting.”
“We’ve consulted a lot of studies on this,” he said. “People are much more likely to vote if they are under the influence of water.”
The governor said that he was considering a number of measures to address water addiction, including stiffer penalties for voting while quenching.
In his starkest warning, Kemp told those who traffic in the banned liquid, “We’re coming after you,” and promised prison time for anyone combining hydrogen and oxygen in illegal water labs.
The Suez Canal is open. The huge ship has been rescued from the canal-edge monsters. Life can go back to normal, whatever that is.
This story of multiple sighs of relief raises a question in my mind. I wonder if the geniuses of the terrorist world, many of which live not far from the Suez Canal, are looking at this as teaching moment. They have learned from extensive media coverage that 12% of world trade passes through the eye of a needle. They have seen how easy it is to cripple movement through this strategically important artery. Crashing planes into the World Trade Center caused death, suffering, and embarrassment to the Great Satan, but did not disrupt much…other than making air travel a pain. Twelve percent is a big number, but also the blockage had an impact on oil prices, which is a much better outcome.
In some aspects of like of this planet, animals are smarter than humans. No animal species has religion or, as with humans, countless gods. None kill because another animal believes in something different. Animals kill only to have something to eat, ie. to survive and do what they’re supposed to do: reproduce.
No animal kills its own kind
No animal stones other animals
No animal beats another animal
No animal tries to convert other animals to something they don’t have
No animal persecutes…they don’t even know what that is
So, as I have written before, man is a bad animal…the worst.
The true picture of the United States: Two white police officers arresting a Black woman—an elected representative of the State—for knocking on the door of the governor.
Some think that the Civil War ended, but the forces of white supremacy were not defeated, being alive and well in the South I had to think of Iceland, where the president’s residence in the middle of Reykyavik has no fence and any citizen can knock on the door if wishing to address the nation’s leader. That’s freedom, not the phoney promise in the the land of the NRA and KKK.
If extraterrestrial life were to show up on Earth, they would be confused about the level of intelligence on this new territory. They would scan the media and not understand why so much ink and airtime is spent on Harry and Meagan. Who the hell are they and why are they so important to Earthlings?
Horrible people are always horrible people.
Recent reports from the border with Mexico have shown Republicans doing what they do best: being shameless jerks.
They spend the past four years creating and worsening a crisis and then criticise the guy that inherited it and is trying to fix it. The problem remains that there are too many stupid and gullible people believing the lies.
Joe made a good impression during his first press conference, but the bar had been set extremely low by his predecessor. He spoke intelligently about complex problems, in contrast to the bumbling idiot who could not speak intelligently or even manage a complete, grammatically correct sentence on anything—-even about his favourite subject; himself.
But, the press failed to equal his performance. I lost a bit respect for CNN. The White House correspondent, Kaitlan Collins, has done a good job reporting from Purgatory during the past years, but she lost it. I sense that the question was crammed down her throat by superiors, because she has shown more intelligence. The president has been in office for about two months, major issues are facing the country that he must tackle and she asked if he planned to run for office in 2024. And, she followed up by asking if he would keep Kamala as his Vice President. Give the poor guy a break. Ash an intelligent question. Don't kill the credibility of CNN.
But, not by a gun, as happens hourly in the United States.
I had my first inoculation agains the Corona virus: the Astra-Senica one. I do not feel any different than I did before the shot in my arm. I did feel the injection, but the doctor pointed out that the needle was large. I am sure that a knife in the cut is more painful.
The one benefit of the inoculation is that I have an excuse for not working in the garden. The weather is such that I should do something, but I know that it is too early in the season. Now, no one will question my sloth. How nice is that?
Tucker Carlson Accuses Biden of Faking Mental Sharpness for More Than an Hour
By Andy Borowitz
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Calling it a “scandal bigger than Watergate,” the Fox News host Tucker Carlson accused President Biden of “thoroughly faking mental sharpness” for more than an hour during his press conference on Thursday.
“Doing everything he could to give the appearance of mental acuity, he answered questions in detail, stayed on point, and uttered suspiciously complete sentences,” Carlson alleged. “I’ve seen some shameless stunts in my time, but this one takes the cake.”
Carlson said that Biden’s “desperate charade” extended to “accomplishing concrete things to make himself seem competent.”
“When he said that he would double the number of vaccinations in his first hundred days, my jaw dropped,” he said. “President Trump would never have tried to pull something like that.”
Great country: it’s easier to buy a gun than it is to vote. Voter registration is made increasingly difficult, whereas buying a gun without a background checks is easy. That is why the following headline was not surprising:
“US sinks to new low in rankings of world's democracies
The US has slipped 11 points in a decade –
below Argentina and Mongolia – according the latest report by a democracy watchdog
The “beacon on the hill” (whatever that means) now ranks on a par with Panama, Romania, and Croatia, all countries formerly ruled by dictators and two of which were communist. The country lags behind Chile and Slovakia, one formerly communist and one formerly ruled by a dictator (just ask Henry Kissinger!)
Like “Great” Britain, the country suffers from illusions about itself, whereas the rest of the world knows the grim reality of hollow shells.
Prior to writing novels, the author enjoyed a multifaceted career: from decorated combat aviator to advertising professional to global communications director of a major consumer brand. He has traveled the world and met sports, film and television stars, political leaders, and royalty. He graduated from Middlebury College, is married, lives in Germany, and has two grown children.