Ah, the self-delusion continues…
A headline in a major UK newspaper announced that they are sending 800—eight hundred—troops to the Arctic to “send a warning shot to Russia”.
I am certain that sleepless nights are being suffered by countless Russians.
Jeff Flake Announces Retirement from Humanity
By Andy Borowitz
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In an announcement that many saw coming, Senator Jeff Flake, of Arizona, announced on Friday that he would retire from humanity, effective immediately.
Speaking to reporters at the Capitol, Flake said that the demands of being a human being had “taken their toll,” and that it was “time to move on.”
“Having empathy and compassion for other human beings has been a thoroughly draining experience,” he said. “I for one am ready for something new.”
Flake said that, before making his decision, he consulted with others who had retired from humanity years earlier, such as Mitch McConnell, Lindsey Graham, and Donald Trump.
“They all fully supported my decision,” he said. “It’s great to be one of them now.”
If you want to see the difference between a nation’s central bank ignoring the idiot and wannabe dictator leading the country and a central bank cowering before a dictator’s rage, look no further than the US and Turkey. Each president is trying to use dictatorial power (one assumed, the other real) to run the nation’s economy, not having a clue how economics work. Of course, both are enriching themselves, their families, and their friends along the way, which has always been their shared goal.
I wonder why the sight of an arrogant national leader waving photos in front of the United Nations of an alleged nuclear site remind me of similar scenes of a now-disgraced politician waving photos of another nation with supposed weapons of mass destruction. The latter led to the invasion and destruction of Iraq and ensuing chaos in the region and beyond that continue to this day and will last for...who knows how long?. One used to say “brothers in arms”; now, one could call them "brothers in questionable allegations who hope to start a war".
Obama Saddened That Kavanaugh Did Not Blame Him at Any Point
By Andy Borowitz
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Former President Barack Obama said Thursday evening that he was “saddened” and “hurt” that Brett Kavanaugh failed to blame him for his predicament at any point in his Senate Judiciary Committee hearing earlier in the day.
“As he was rattling off all of the people who had victimized him, I was sure I was going to make the list,” Obama said. “It was more than a little deflating that I didn’t.”
Obama said that as Kavanaugh listed such nemeses as the mainstream media, a vast left-wing conspiracy, and the Clintons, he was “on the edge of my chair expecting my name to come up.”
“It’s not a good feeling to be forgotten like that,” he said. “It was a tough thing to watch.”
Obama said that it was “a little comforting” to know that he was not the only person Kavanaugh neglected to blame in his remarks. “I just got off the phone with George Soros, and he is bummed as well,” Obama said.
In an official statement released after the former President’s remarks, Kavanaugh said that his failure to blame Obama was “a simple omission,” and not a memory lapse due to excessive alcohol consumption.
People in power think that people not in power are stupid and will believe any lie. Two recent examples receiving much media coverage prove this.
First of all, there is the poisoning of a former Russia spy in England by the Russian government. Once the English police released videos of the culprits, the Russian government announced that the two spies were merely tourists visiting the local cathedral.
Second, two men claim to have raped a women who has accused the Supreme Court nominee to seed doubt in the claim of women. I wonder who paid them.
Another example has risen its head on the horizon: the recent accusation by the nation’s chief liar of imagined Chinese meddling in US elections to deflect the scrutiny on Russia and the head bumbling idiot’s connection to that regime.
I found this interesting quote from a book about a media figure during World War 2:
In “Goebbels’ Principles of Propaganda,” Yale University psychology professor Leonard W. Doob summarized the Nazi propaganda chief’s philosophy that “the best form of newspaper propaganda was not “propaganda” (i.e., editorials and exhortation), but slanted news which appeared to be straight.”
Trump Brags That He Got Much Bigger Laughs at U.N. Than Obama
By Andy Borowitz
September 25, 2018
Photograph by Spencer Platt / GettyNEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—Calling his speech to the United Nations General Assembly on Tuesday “an unbelievable success,” Donald J. Trump bragged that he “got much bigger laughs than Obama.”
“When Obama spoke at the U.N. he did not get a single laugh—not one,” Trump told reporters. “I feel sorry for the people who had to sit through his speeches. They weren’t funny at all.”
In contrast, Trump said, “I killed at the U.N.”
“I had them rolling in the aisles,” he said. “Once I started hearing those big laughs, I thought, Poor li’l Obama, he’s going to be so jealous.”
Trump called the United Nations a “tough crowd” for comedy because the audience is composed of people from around the globe. “I’m sure the crooked media won’t give me credit for this, but I’m the only person who can make the whole world laugh,” he said.
Humans are too smart for their own good. They are able to figure out how to destroy other species, their environment, and—ultimately—themselves.
Many claim that man’s most significant invention was fire. But, humans did not “invent” fire, they merely stole the idea from nature and figured out how to harness it for their benefit…or to destroy.
My theory is that man’s most-significant invention is money, which evolved from the first instance of assigning value to something with no intrinsic value, whether that was a shell or some other element of nature. Since the first shells changed hands, some people have been able to convince other people to accept something that is basically worthless in exchange for something of value.
All the the evil and most of the good derives from human lust for money. The world as we know it could not exist without the trust people put in money. The total value of all economies and all currencies is a myth, but people believe the lies.
Grassley Spends Weekend Practicing Pretending-to-Listen Face
By Andy Borowitz
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Facing the daunting challenge of appearing to pay attention to a woman’s utterances during a televised hearing, Senator Charles Grassley spent the weekend rehearsing what aides are calling his “pretending to listen” face.
In round-the-clock practice sessions that aides characterized as “excruciating,” the chairman of the Senate Judiciary Committee struggled to simulate even a trace of interest in what a woman had to say.
“Chuck has never pretended to listen to a woman before,” an aide said. “These are uncharted waters.”
According to the aide, Grassley’s fake-listening skills “are rudimentary at best,” and the senator was able to hold only a semi-attentive facial expression for seven seconds before it showed unmistakable signs of boredom, irritation, and contempt.
At one point, Grassley reportedly exploded with frustration, bellowing, “If I’d known that going into politics meant I’d have to listen to women, I’d have become a longshoreman.”
Complicating the mock sessions further was the absence on the Judiciary Committee of any Republican women to whom Grassley could pretend to listen, forcing Senator Orrin Hatch to step uncomfortably into the role of a woman.
Prior to writing novels, the author enjoyed a multifaceted career: from decorated combat aviator to advertising professional to global communications director of a major consumer brand. He has traveled the world and met sports, film and television stars, political leaders, and royalty. He graduated from Middlebury College, is married, lives in Germany, and has two grown children.