Ron Johnson Calls Hillary’s Absence from Insurrection Videos Suspicious
By Andy Borowitz
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—During the Senate hearing on the U.S. Capitol attack, Senator Ron Johnson called the absence of Hillary Clinton from the videos of the insurrection “highly suspicious.”
“I’ve combed through hours of these videos looking for Hillary Clinton, and there’s no logical explanation for why she’s not there,” Johnson said. “Except, of course, for the obvious one: she is disguised as a Trump supporter.”
The Wisconsin senator said that, with Clinton’s “history of deception,” impersonating a Trump supporter on January 6th would be “just another day at the office” for the former Secretary of State.
“How hard would it be for Hillary Clinton to put on some horns and fur pelts and paint her face red, white, and blue?” he asked. “That is vintage Hillary.”
Johnson called for Clinton to be subpoenaed immediately to answer questions about her “vanishing act” in the January 6th videos. “She has a lot of explaining to do,” he said.
There is a certain type of person, who would rather spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on lawyers and tax advisors than pay any taxes. Feeding hungry scavengers is preferable to helping the common good.
These same people are happy to grease the palms of legislators, whose job is to create laws to help these people avoid taxes.
Money that could be used to help society is divert to those that need it the least. All it does is feed their greed and egos.
Trump Regrets Not Naming Ivanka, Eric, and Don, Jr., to Supreme Court
By Andy Borowitz
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump said on Monday that his “greatest regret” as President was his failure to name his three adult children to the United States Supreme Court.
Appearing on Fox News, Trump said that Ivanka, Eric, and Don, Jr., would be “way better judges” than “those three clowns” whom he did name.
“Gorsuch, Kavanaugh, and Barrett are the worst people who have ever worked for me,” he said. “And that includes Scaramucci.”
When the Supreme Court was deciding whether New York prosecutors could obtain his tax returns, Trump said, “none of those three boneheads even called to ask me what they should do. No gratitude whatsoever.”
He said that “laws needed to be changed” to keep Supreme Court Justices from “thinking for themselves.”
“This should never be allowed to happen in our country,” he sai
Germany is a country known for order, discipline, and technical excellence. They are not known as a leader in computer technology…or as even much of a follower.
The German government had, most likely, good intentions in pushing for strict data protection laws. Now, those laws are hindering the protection of citizens suffering in a pandemic.
Although there is a national register of citizens, that is not available too individual states, which are responsible for the roll-out of vaccinations. Each state has its own system and own procedures, none of which are coordinated and probably not compatible with the national government or other states. People are not only falling through the cracks when trying to get a vaccination, they are not even on the floor…despite being in the national register
All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.
A priest, a rabbi, and imman walk into a bar…
The surprised bartender asks: “What’ll you have?”
The three holy men exchange glances and shrug.
“We’ll have whatever Abraham drinks,” replied the rabbi, the one from the oldest religion. “Basically, we all worship his god.”
The bartender’s assistant looks surprised and asks:
“Is that a joke?”
The bartender shakes his head.
“I’ve learned that religion is no joking matter. I don’t want these guys to start killing each other.”
Emmanuel Kant, if alive today, would be pleased by what he could witness in the United States (and much of the world, but especially the US). He wrote in 1784—this was before the inauguration of George Washington—:
“Man may wish for concord, but Nature knows better what is good for the species. Nature wants discord.”
And, that is what He/She/It is getting in the United States…
Ronald Reagen, the great god of the Republican Party is surely smile down on his flock..
The urge to deregulate public utilities is a Republican disease. Transfer of public assets into private hands enriches private equity vultures and hedge funds, all of which put money into pockets of willing politicians. Of course, none of these players worry about the impact on customers: people they have brainwashed into thinking that there is no need to pay taxes for public services. Trickle down economics does work when nothing trickles down from frozen or burst pipes and the lights go out.
Texas is the poster child of the effect of deregulation. Money is sucked out to pay “investors” and none is spent on infrastructure or service.
When things fail, taxpayers in other jurisdictions are forced to bail out the suffering. Of course, the owners and politicians will suffer no loss…of money or sleep. They’ve kept their bit before any trickled down.
Millions Join Class-Action Suit Against Trump Demanding Past Four Years Back
By Andy Borowitz
PALM BEACH (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump’s legal woes deepened on Wednesday as millions of Americans joined a class-action lawsuit demanding the past four years back.
Although Trump is already being sued for his actions on January 6th of this year, this latest suit broadens his legal exposure to the other fourteen hundred and sixty days of his Presidency.
Harland Dorrinson, the attorney representing the approximately two hundred million plaintiffs, said that if a court is unable to award his clients the past four years back, he would seek “substantial” monetary damages instead.
“We’re crunching the numbers right now,” he said. “The therapy bills alone run into the billions.”
The attorney said that he was “obviously sorry” that Rudy Giuliani was no longer on Trump’s legal team but added, “If Trump uses those impeachment lawyers of his, we’re golden.”
Cruz trip to Mexico not a sign of stupidity: it’s proof of his arrogance and shamelessness. Already known as the one of the biggest lying, two-faced, cynical hypocrites in the US Senate, he just moved up a notch on the list of the worst of a really bad crowd.
Prior to writing novels, the author enjoyed a multifaceted career: from decorated combat aviator to advertising professional to global communications director of a major consumer brand. He has traveled the world and met sports, film and television stars, political leaders, and royalty. He graduated from Middlebury College, is married, lives in Germany, and has two grown children.