While on the treadmill at the fitness studio, a silent television showed images of destruction from Hurricane Sally. More of the same: twisted wreckage and splintered wood. Which made me think of a children’s fable. Three pigs build houses: one of straw, one of wood, and one of stone. Most know what happened.
Sadly, people in the United States do not know this fable nor have learned the simple lesson. The west coast of the United Kingdom is regularly lambasted with storms off the North Atlantic, many just the tail end of hurricanes which have recked havoc in North America. There, they are called Low Pressure Systems, but often pack hurricane-force winds. The stone structures on the coast have stood for decades, in some cases centuries. A wooden structure is not to be seen.
Of course, Florida and the Gulf Coast states will rebuilt…in wood. Some folks never learn. They sill believe god will protect them…
Trump Claims Dog Ate His Health-Care Plan
By Andy Borowitz
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump’s promise to release a long-delayed health-care plan hit a snag when his dog ate the only existing copy of the plan, the President disclosed.
“I left the plan on my desk, and somehow the dog got up there and ate it,” he said. “It’s a bad dog, quite frankly.”
Trump’s explanation met with raised eyebrows from the White House press corps, none of whom had been previously aware that the President had a dog.
Asked to describe the dog, Trump said, “It has, you know, paws, and fur, and that head that dogs have. It’s a very basic dog that you would see.”
Pressed to reveal the dog’s name, Trump said, “I didn’t name it, because I don’t name dogs unless they do a good job. I’m not like Obama, who named every dog he got. I wish Obama’s dog had eaten Obamacare. We wouldn’t be in this mess.”
The White House press secretary, Kayleigh McEnany, later announced that Trump’s dog would be taking an indefinite leave of absence.
I mentioned that headlines can be amusing. Some are also shocking (although, in this case, the not surprising).
A man unable to speak an intelligence sentence or talk without spewing lies has called a reputable medical professional—one who works for him and nation—“confused”. The doctor is trying to save lies; the liar is trying to keep a job at which he is failing. People are becoming ill and dying, but he does not care. All he can do is flair with all the wrong words, unable to grasp facts or have command of vocabulary.
Scientists Believe Congressional Republicans Have Developed Herd Mentality
By Andy Borowitz
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Researchers at the University of Minnesota believe that Republican members of Congress have obtained “extremely high” levels of herd mentality, a new study shows.
According to the study, the researchers found that, in obtaining herd mentality, the G.O.P. lawmakers have developed “near-total immunity” to damning books, news reports, and audio tapes.
Herd mentality was observed in congressional Republicans from every region of the country, with the exception of one senator from Utah, Mitt Romney, who was deemed an outlier and therefore statistically insignificant.
Davis Logsdon, the scientist who supervised the study, said that Republicans were exhibiting herd mentality to a degree never before observed in humans.
“Herd mentality at these levels historically has appeared only in other mammal species, like lemmings,” the researcher said.
News headlines can be amusing.
I had to laugh upon reading that the head of the Church of England, the archbishop of Canterbury, has complained about the government trying to control people’s lives. Doesn’t this guy listen to sermons or hasn't he earned anything about his religion. Christian hierarchy has been trying, with varying levels of success, to run people’s lives for thousands of years. Catholics are even forced to confess their sins, about which no one else knows. Of course, the key selling point of that religion is that all sins are forgiven.
Trump Accuses Biden of Using Performance-Enhancing Books
By Andy Borowitz
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Hinting darkly that “people are saying there’s something going on,” Donald J. Trump claimed that the former Vice-President Joe Biden is using “performance-enhancing books.”
Pointing to Biden’s strong performances in the Vice-Presidential debates of 2008 and 2012, Trump alleged, “It’s clear that he was under the influence of books.”
“Every time he got asked a question, he pulled facts out of thin air,” Trump said. “You can’t do that unless you’re pumped up on books.”
Trump warned that, unless he is caught, Biden will try to use performance-enhancing books before the Presidential debates, which start later this month, and urged that both candidates be tested for books before the contest.
“I have no problem with being tested,” Trump declared. “I am a hundred per cent book-free.”
As the story goes, Nero fiddled while Rome burned. This has become a metaphor for a bad leader.
But, we now see every day that there are worse “leaders” of empires. At least Nero did something! Compared to talents of the wanna be emperor destroying his country, fiddling is quit an achievement.
Trump Says Earth Will Cool Down If Everyone Just Turns On Air-Conditioning
By Andy Borowitz
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Blasting “dumb scientists for not thinking of this before,” Donald J. Trump said that the planet would cool down “right away” if everyone would just turn on the air-conditioning.
“Scientists go around with their lab coats and test tubes and act like the planet is burning up,” he said. “I guess those beauties have never thought of turning on the A.C.”
“Air-conditioning is the answer,” he said. “It’s the hydroxychloroquine of climate.”
Arguing that his theory was “based on math,” Trump illustrated what would happen to the planet’s temperature if people around the world all turned on the air-conditioning at the exact same time.
“Let’s say two billion people each turned down the A.C. four degrees,” he said. “Just like that, the planet would be eight billion degrees cooler.”
Trump disclosed that he did not come up with this mathematical equation all by himself, acknowledging the assistance of the Secretary of Education, Betsy DeVos
I will make a statement that has more chance of being correct than someone’s chances of winning a lottery jackpot.
I am certain that everyone, who plays the lottery, thinks about how they will spend the money, if he or she wins the jackpot.
And, like with an Etch-A-Sketch, these thoughts are erased the moment the announcement is made of the winner: someone else.
Prior to writing novels, the author enjoyed a multifaceted career: from decorated combat aviator to advertising professional to global communications director of a major consumer brand. He has traveled the world and met sports, film and television stars, political leaders, and royalty. He graduated from Middlebury College, is married, lives in Germany, and has two grown children.