El Chapo Refuses to Share a Prison Cell with Steve Bannon
By Andy Borowitz
FLORENCE, COLORADO (The Borowitz Report)—Amid news that Steve Bannon could soon be jailed for criminal contempt, the convicted drug lord Joaquín (El Chapo) Guzmán said that “under no circumstances” would he agree to share a prison cell with the former Trump adviser. The ex-kingpin said that, although he had not heard of any plans to house Bannon in his prison cell, he was speaking “out of an abundance of caution.”“If the Department of Justice is looking for a place to lock Bannon up, don’t even think about putting him in with me,” El Chapo, who is being held at ADX Florence, a maximum-security penitentiary, said. “It’s not going to happen.”“I’ve tunnelled out of prison before, and I can do it again,” he warned.El Chapo’s sentiments have been echoed by the nation’s prison population, two million of whom have signed a petition refusing to share their cells with Bannon.Speaking at the D.O.J., the Attorney General, Merrick Garland, commented on El Chapo’s recoiling at the prospect of sharing a small space with Bannon. “I can’t say I blame him,” Garland said.
There is a parable about a golden goose, which is applicable to the current pipe dream being smoked by FIFA. There plan to hold the World Cup competition every two years will surely kill international soccer.
The primary driver is greed. Of course. It’s always about money. Those with too much want even more. If you have one jet or yacht, why not have more?
What people do not realize is that there is also a desire to take the other kid’s toys. FIFA is jealous of UEFA (European soccer body) having any say in matters. Now, the European championship occurs every four years in the period between World Cup competitions. If given the choice, where would nations and players want to play in competition tournaments?
At the current pace, professional athletes wear out at young ages. With an increased international schedule, their earning years will shrink. Greed federations hoping to cash in do not care, just as slave owners did not care about wear and tear on cheap labor.
Why is it that Republicans seem to benefit from the chaos they create? Why do Democrats get attacked for anything they do, even cleaning up Republican messes?
Is there something inherent in political leanings—to the right or to the left—that affects imagined or real results?
And, Republicans are trying to seed disfunction, not realizing that this will lead to something worse. They see only benefits for themselves and their enablers, ignoring any damage to the country and anyone not supporting their agenda.
The real problem of humanity is the following:
we have Paleolithic emotions, medieval institutions, and god-like technology.
No one should be surprised that a Senator from West Virginia is opposed to environmental controls to ease climate change that would reduce the use of coal. Where do you think the guy’s money comes from?
People become senator, in many cases, because all end up as millionaires. Money drives politics and politicians. Coal is money in West Virginia and the environment is of no concern to anyone, except those forced to leave their land, breath the air, and drink the water. That does not include the senator, who has a boat on the water in Washington. I doubt he spends much time breathing the air in his home state. I wonder what he has done for his constituents…
An interesting piece in the New Yorker explained about how trust is deteriorating in the United States. No wonder. Republicans are trying to destroy the country, not realising that trust is the glue which holds things together and gives value to the almighty dollar.
Nothing of value backs up the dollar, once guaranteed by gold. Now, only the promise of “in god we trust” tells people that the paper they hold is worth something. Almost all of these people know nothing about economics, hedge funds, and multiples. If the government defaults, which is what Republicans seem to be striving to achieve, then the risk exists that the economies of the world collapse. Green paper will have little value.
Trust in government has declined drastically, which is not surprising. Daily news reports of how Congress doesn’t function gives little reason to believe in the people supposedly leading and running the nation. All politicians are to blame, but most lies with the Republican Party and their allies, who think that destruction and lies are the way to go.
Democracy works only with trust and the leaders of that party are doing everything they can to kill both. Dire times are predicted…(by me!)
And, one small aspect of their tactics: Republicans are giving Kamala the Hillary treatment.
A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class,
because it was a weapon of math disruption.
Trump to Skip 2024 Campaign and Go Straight to Claiming He Won
By Andy Borowitz
PALM BEACH (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump will skip the 2024 campaign and go straight to claiming that he won, the former reality-show host has confirmed.
Speaking to reporters, Trump said that campaigning in 2024 would be “a waste of time, quite frankly, because I have already won that election.”Asked how he could have won an election that is not scheduled to occur for another three years, he said, “People are saying that it already did happen. A lot of very smart people are calling me and saying that.”Trump said that, although he already won the 2024 election, “there was fraud and corruption like you wouldn’t believe.”“The 2024 election was so stolen it makes the 2020 election look not stolen,” he said. “The fact that I won in 2024 even though it was stolen from me is amazing, and, quite frankly, fantastic.”Trump lashed out at a reporter who asked if he planned to run yet again in 2028. “I already won in 2028,” he said. “That’s a stupid question and you’re a disgrace.”
Humans have not changed since the first monkeys started walking on land. The strong and powerful have always thrived, mostly at the expense of and detriment to all others.
I could name countless examples, but have run across two lately. I am reading a book about the Revolutionary war. Some generals, who failed miserably in battle and lost the war, were rewarded with knighthoods and land. Failure is never painful for those at the top.
The same is happening now in Britain. A government study has shown the the government failed miserable in fighting the pandemic. Nothing will happen. Political leaders are already shrugging off the indictment of their performance and belittling the horrendous death count. Some will receive knighthoods. That’s the way it goes if you run the show.
Of course, the same thing happens all over the world. Most of the generals, who lost the wars in Vietnam, Iraq, and Afghanistan were punished by being given lucrative board positions or speaking fees.
And, the stupid people continue to let it happen….
Prior to writing novels, the author enjoyed a multifaceted career: from decorated combat aviator to advertising professional to global communications director of a major consumer brand. He has traveled the world and met sports, film and television stars, political leaders, and royalty. He graduated from Middlebury College, is married, lives in Germany, and has two grown children.