_ The New Year starts with the end of the horoscope (in my rendition, anyways). I had not begun to write this foolish blog at the beginning of the last year, so I could not start the horoscope in January. Besides, the monthly signs do not follow the current calendar. And, different horoscopes seem to use different dates, which must be confusing for those poor folks that can find different readings at different sites. Perhaps, this is one more indication of a horoscope’s worthlessness (beyond the entertainment value).
Readers well-versed (or even partially versed) on this subject may hurry to the bottom for the meat of this post.
For new readers (and those with poor memories or too lazy to have read this in the past) , with enough time to waste on this tosh, I will repeat for the umpteenth time (I lied: it’s only eleven...or maybe ten, but who cares?) the standard explanation of this post. Anyone disinterested or in a hurry can push on to the main course, which is easily found below (unless computer illiterate).
Despite of my disdain for horoscopes, I do recognize the creative talent needed to write such nonsense. Several years ago, I received a copy of the definitive horoscope. I think this was written by some clever New York advertising copywriter or team of writers. It is definitely irreverent and ironical, but does contain a glimmer of truth (whatever that is). Each should be able to recognize one or the other personal trait or something irritating in someone you know. Horoscopes and alchemy are similar: each "science" tries to produce something of value from nothing. Alchemy has been debunked, but horoscopes continue to thrive. A clever use of words can manipulate hopes and emotions of certain gullible people. (Where have we heard that before? It seems to be a common thread in thoughts about human beings.) Like robots, all humans are programmed to act in certain ways...which clever horoscope creators have picked up on.
You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You don’t do much of anything and are lazy. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. Capricorns should avoid standing still for long periods of time, as they tend to attract pigeons who delight in decorating statues with their runny asses.
Prior to writing novels, the author enjoyed a multifaceted career: from decorated combat aviator to advertising professional to global communications director of a major consumer brand. He has traveled the world and met sports, film and television stars, political leaders, and royalty. He graduated from Middlebury College, is married, lives in Germany, and has two grown children.